Nuggets of Wisdom

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Top 13 Scariest Sesame Street Moments (Intro)


Funnyisms


I mentioned in my previous list of Top 13 Scariest Nostalgic Moments that I could write an entire list of scary moments from Sesame Street—and I will!

For the past 45 years, Sesame Street has been providing a masterful blend of education and entertainment to both children and adults alike. I’ve managed to see a few recent episodes myself, and I still think the show holds up to this day.

But behind the show’s bright, colorful exterior lies a dark side. While most of the show had sunny days that swept the clouds away, there were a few rare moments that managed to send children screaming out of the room or cowering under their covers.

I mentioned in my previous list that the Sesame Street News Flash intro always scared the sweet Celestia out of me whenever it came on, but trust me when I say that wasn’t the only thing on Sesame Street that scared me, or that I was the only one to be scared silly watching this show. If you visit the Nightmare Fuel TV Tropes page, you’ll read about the many frightful accounts of other former younger viewers and the sketches that used to make them wet their pants.

Many of the more frightening moments on Sesame Street originated during its early years. In fact, most of the early episodes were so freaky that, when they were released on DVD, they came with a disclaimer warning that they were not suitable for today’s children. You may consider that political correctness gone mad, but if you see some of the early material, you might actually agree with that decision.

As to whether many of these Sesame Street scares were intentional or not remain a mystery. On the one hand, this was the first time Jim Henson made anything specifically for children, as most of his early Muppet projects were mostly for adults. So he and his crew probably didn’t realize what was suitable for children or not. On the other hand, Henson was quoted as saying that it was “unhealthy” for children not to be afraid, so maybe he wanted to injected a healthy dose of fright into the Street.

But regardless of whether or not these scares were intentional or not, there is no denying that they caught most of us off-guard and with our pants between our legs—quite literally!

So all this month in October, I’ll be counting down the Top 13 Scariest Sesame Street moments. Why 13? Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

I should point out that I’m not the first one to make a list like this. Over at TGWTG, Dena Natali of the Film Den made a similar list over two years ago, and though I did draw inspiration from it, most of the selections on this list will be of my own choosing, especially since there is a major age difference between her and me.

This list is going to be a general list of moments that scared most people, but it will mostly include moments that scared me personally, or probably would have scared me had I seen them as I was young. As such, if you can’t find that one moment that scared you, or none of these moments frightened you the most, just remember: this is my list.

But without further ado, join me as we find our way to where the air is sweet—most of the time—as we try to find our way to Sesame Street. These are the Top 13 Scariest Sesame Street Moments!

Monday, September 29, 2014

Blame The Fright Month: The Second Screaming!

Grievings, boils and ghouls! It’s that time of year again. October is nearly upon us, and with it, it will bring about the Halloween season once more. As with last year, I will be hosting my month-long celebration of everything creepy and kooky, mysterious and spooky, and all together ooky: Blame The Fright Month!

While this year’s event won’t be as big as last year's (as I only have one long countdown list to share), I assure you, my children, that the scares will be bigger than ever this year, as all month long I will be sharing something new and scary to send shivers down your spines and goosebumps along your arms.

And as with last year, Blame The Fright Night will not interrupt my regular blog posts. With the exception of Daily Pony (which will be replaced with Nightly Frights), all of my regularly scheduled posts will still be active, including Sunday Funnies, the Daily Bungle, and This Week In Internet Social Justice. (Forgot that I still had that, didn’t you?)

Here is but a sneak peek into what is in store this year:


Wiki


Nightly Frights (Daily): Each and every night will feature a new form of fright, be it creepypasta, urban legend, horror comic, or any other scary story or video.



deviantART


MLP Villains (Sunday): This year will see even more fan art showcased of other MLP antagonists such as Lord Tirek, Nightmare Rarity, Trixie Lulamoon, and Sunset Shimmer.



Funnyism


Top 13 Scariest Sesame Street Moments (MWF): Not all days were sunny ones that swept the clouds away. This year will showcase the top 13 scariest moments from the (unintentionally?) scariest television show ever: Sesame Street.



Wiki


Most Disturbing MLP Fan Works (Daily, Facebook And Google+ Only): For those of you who missed it the first time around, join me every day in October (with the exception of Sundays) as I count down the most disturbing fan works to originate from the brony community from both of my previous countdown lists.

So pull up a chair, if you dare, and get ready for a scare, if you have no fear, because Blame The Fright month is almost here. And if at any point you feel a tingle or chill running up your spine, remember, don’t blame me, blame the fright!

Daily Pony: Let The "Rainbow Road" Remind You

The best song of MLP Season 4 remixed with the best Mario Kart track music of all time? It's such a shame you can't use custom music in the game; otherwise, I would totally be jamming to this while racing along the Rainbow Road track!

SATIRE: Onion Forced Out Of Business


The Onion


The Onion Forced Out Of Business

Satirical news website unable to compete with real news.

Peter Jesting
Daily Bungle

In breaking news that seems to have been ripped out of its own pages, The Onion has announced that it will discontinue publication.

For more than 25 years, “America's Finest News Source” has been tickling the collective American funny bone and fooling everyone’s gullible aunt with humorous satirical news stories.

However, it’s nearly three decade run has experienced many major changes, with last year seeing the end of its print publication in favor of an online-only edition.

Now the infamously famous, or famously infamous, fake news organization will be making an especially drastic change now that it is discontinuing publication for good.

Editor Cole Bolton made the hard decision to shut down the long-running fake news organization, as it has been recently facing harsh competition that has been difficult to beat.

While various other satirical news websites such as the Daily Currant and National Report have sprung up in recent years, The Onion has been given a real run for its money by one major competitor: reality!

Bolton explained that it was nearly impossible for him and his writers to come up with humorous fake news headlines when real news stories has absurd headlines such as “SWAT team descends onto college campus in response to a man carrying an umbrella” or “White House cybersecurity leader proudly claims he knows nothing about cybersecurity.”

“It used to be that you had to expend a lot of brainpower thinking of stupid things for politicians to say in your fake stories; but now, politicians pretty much say stupid things on their own,” Bolton said. “Readers nowadays can get the same laughs they once got from reading our fake news by reading real news, and that’s bad news for us.”

One writer, Penn Naim, recently stepped down from her position after learning that a fake news story she had been working on turned out to be real.

Naim wanted to spoof the growing trend of internet challenges such as the cinnamon or ice bucket challenge by writing a fake human interest story about a fake trending internet challenge, the Fire Challenge, where people set themselves on fire and challenge others to do the same.

Little did she know, to her own embarrassment, that the Fire Challenge was, indeed, a real internet trend. Upon learning about it, she promptly quit her job.

“You know the old saying ‘I couldn’t make that up if I wanted to’? Well, it turns out that I could, but reality beat me to the punch,” Naim said. “When you have clueless teenagers setting themselves on fire for 15-mintues of internet fame, that’s when you know it’s time to quit your day job as a satire writer.”

When asked what the future held for his organization, Bolton suggested that The Onion could be revamped as a real news organization, which, to him, would not be such a stretch, as unsuspecting readers, from behind-the-times grandparents to even real news organizations, have mistaken the Onion as actual news.

One unsuspecting North Carolina man even spent the past 25 years reading The Onion as a real newspaper, unbeknownst to him that it was supposed to be satirical.

“When you can easily switch real news headlines for our satirical headlines, and no one can tell the difference, that’s when you know that satire is dead,” Bolton confessed. “Next thing you know, people will be watching the Daily Show as an actual news program and Idiocracy as a real-life documentary.”

###

Finally! My first “Daily Bungle” article in what seems like forever! This one reflects my personal struggle to come up with good fake news stories when most real news stories tend to be just as absurd, if not more so. When reality proves to be more absurd than satire—when you can switch real news headlines for satirical ones, and not one can tell the difference!—is that a tell-tale sign that satire is dead?

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Statist And Anarchist: The Free Market



Statists are the masters of projection. They accuse libertarians and anarchists of being “free-market fundamentalists” and assuming that the free market is the solution to everything, when they themselves believe that the government is the real answer.

They may not outright say that the government is always the solution, but if you ask them how we should address a problem, their answer will always involve more government. How do we fix poverty? Spend more on entitlement programs and fund them with more taxes? How do we fix education? Spend more on our public schools and fund them with more taxes. How do we fix the economy? Spend more on government stimulus and fund it with more taxes. How do we fix healthcare? Nationalize our healthcare system and fund it with more taxes. (And don't forget the taxes. We need more taxes. Lots and lots of taxes!)

No matter what the problem is, statists will always consider the solution to be more government programs, more government spending, and more taxes—in other words, more government!

And no, just because libertarians and anarchists suggest trying a market solution does not mean we think “the free market will fix everything!” Ask a group of libertarians what they would do to fix poverty, education, or healthcare, and each one will come up with a different answer. That is exactly what the market is. It is not a monolithic entity like the federal government. It consists of various individuals doing their own thing to improve their own lives and the lives of others through the pursuit of their own rational self-interest and through the voluntary exchange of labor and services. With the market, there is diversity. Though the government, there is only conformity.

And yet the statists claim that we consider the free market “God”? As the old saying goes: when you point a finger at someone, you point three more fingers back at you. Stop projecting your fervent worship of the omnipotent state on us, statists!

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Daily Pony: Chip Of Discord



Two of the most self-centered creatures in Equestria want a sweet treat, but only one can have it! What will happen?

Friday, September 26, 2014

Daily Pony: Gumzilla!


Gumzilla! by drawponies on deviantART

Um, how did Gummy get so...you know what, it's probably best not to ask questions when Pinkie Pie is concerned. It only raises more questions.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Attorney General Eric Holder Steps Down

Attorney General Eric Holder will soon become the former attorney general. For a rundown of his biggest "accomplishments", here's an old video by Stephen Crowder:

Feminist Bakes School Children Cookies Of--WTF?!?

A radical feminist thought it was a good idea to bake "vagina cookies" for a second-grade classroom. Yeah, it's like I said earlier this week: feminism is killing off satire!
DISCLAIMER: This is a friend's story and she isn't a redditor but I begged her to let me post it from the perspective that she told the story in. Also I apologize, I'm not a writer.

I am currently a second grade teacher at a public school. I have a wonderful class and I like to reward them when they have a good week by having volunteer parents bring in snacks (I.E. cookies, candy, granola etc.) provided the parent keeps them hypoallergenic. This week our volunteer parent, who we will refer to as Autumn Lily Speaker (not far from her actual name) told me on Wednesday that she will be preparing cookies for the class and is 'excited for this opportunity'. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and marked it off my weekly to-do list.

So Friday rolls around and the kids are excited. Autumn Lily Speaker comes into the classroom with a pan full of treats and brings them to me and says with a smile "I decided you can use these to teach the kids about the woman's vagina today". Baffled and completely caught off guard I slowly peel the aluminum foil off the pan to behold a plethora of sugar cookie and frosting vaginas. Not just any old vagina, but ALL KINDS OF VAGINAS. There were small, puffy, white, brown, shaved, bald, and even a fire crotch with beef curtains. perplexed I give the parent the most professional look I can muster and quietly reply "I'm sorry Autumn, but I can't give these to my students. This just isn't appropriate."

cue angry radical feminist

Autumn bursts with the fury of a thousand angry Andrea Dworkin's and starts yelling in front of the class about how 'I should be proud of my vagina' and 'I am settling for a women's role in life'. Utterly bemused and frozen from shock all I can do is stand and stare at the woman as the word 'vagina' is yelled in front of my second grade class about 987,000 times. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, she storms out of the class leaving her vagina cookies on my desk. I scramble to collect my thoughts and take control of the situation before my second graders develop vaginal PTSD. My only thought is to scrape off the vagina frosting and hand out the plain sugar cookies to my students.