Nuggets of Wisdom

Monday, September 1, 2014

SATIRE: Bottled Water Blamed For Florida Sinkholes

Sams Club

Florida Bans Zephyrhills Bottled Water

Allegations over recent statewide sinkholes leads to ban of in-state bottled water company products.

Tim Russet Potato
Daily Bungle

Florida residents and visitors who prefer their water bottled will have to settle for out-of-state brands. That's because the Sunshine State has banned the sale of Zephyrhills bottled water.

The bill banning Zephyrhills products passed through the Florida House and Senate earlier this week and is being sent to the desk of Gov. Rick Scott, who is expected to sign the bill into law.

Once passed, the law will prohibit the sale of all water bottled by Zephyrhills within the state of Florida. No other bottled water brands will be affected.

Zephyrhills, which sources its water in-state from Crystal Springs, was targeted by Florida lawmakers due to allegations that its water-collection methods have contributed to sinkholes within the state.

Florida has been the location of three major sinkholes within the past year. More than 300 sinkholes have formed since 2010, making Florida the state with the most sinkholes within the nation.

Because Zephyrhills collects water from the Florida aquifer, many lawmakers have speculated that the company's water-collection methods have sped up the erosion of limestone underneath the state's topsoil, allowing sinkholes to more easily form.

The bottled water company denies any responsibility for the recent sinkholes, as representatives have insisted that their company takes special precautions "to help ensure the health of the surrounding ecosystem."

The Florida Department of Environmental Protection (FDEP) has conducted no scientific studies nor found any evidence proving a correlation between Zephyrhills’ water-pumping activities and sinkholes.

Nevertheless, lawmakers have decided to move forward with passing the law “just to be safe.”

This law will be the first legal action the state plans to implement against Zephyrhills. Once the law is passed, state lawmakers seek to obtain an injunction from the state's Supreme Court to cease the company's operations within the state.

Florida is not the only state to target bottled water for environmental reasons. Recently, in California, San Francisco banned the sale of plastic water bottles on city-owned property.

The rationale for the San Francisco ban was that plastic water bottles contributed to global warming, despite the fact that, as with the Florida ban, there was little to no scientific evidence proving such a correlation.

Gov. Rick Scott has expressed favor for his state's water bottle ban, claiming that the state should always err on the side of caution when it comes to environmental issues regardless of scientific evidence.

“Politicians like myself make and pass laws all the time without any knowledge of what we are legislating,” Scott said. “If politicians who know nothing about computers can legislate the internet, or those who know nothing about science can legislate science, or those who know nothing about economics can make economic decisions, then surely politicians like myself who know nothing about the environment can make decisions about it.”


If San Fransisco can ban water bottles over fears of climate change, then what could possibly stop Florida from banning water bottles over recent sinkholes? It makes just as much sense! Story idea was inspired by Jonathan Loesche of the Bogosity Podcast.

Daily Pony: Sharing Kindness, An Easy Feat?

Sharing Kindness, an Easy Feat? by Huussii on deviantART

If somepony can help two polar opposites make amends with one another, Fluttershy is best pony for the job! ;)

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Sunday Funnies (08/31/2014)

Need a good laugh? We all do. So here’s your weekly compilation of political cartoons (and I finally manage to post them on a Sunday!) This week, Burger King moves to Canada to dodge a high corporate tax rate, Obama wears a tan suit to better dodge foreign policy, and school children across the country would love nothing more than to dodge the first day of school.



















Jewish World Review

On Burger King's Tax "Evasion"

My thoughts on left-wing complaints concerning Burger King moving to Canada to avoid taxes. If you didn't want corporations moving out of the country to evade taxes, then your country shouldn't have had the highest corporate tax rate in the world! But I guess suggesting that makes me a far-right crypto-fascist corporate shill, doesn't it?

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Friday, August 29, 2014

Shulk Foresees A Fight

Looks like the leaks were true: Shulk of Xenoblade Chronicles will be joining the new Super Smash Bros. game!

I've never played Xenoblade Chronicles, so I have no idea who this Shulk dude is. But all Xenoblade fanboys, feel free to rejoice!

Daily Pony: They Ain't Afraid Of No Ghost

My friend and I went to see the 30th anniversary screening of Ghostbusters last night. She’s such a big fan girl that she dressed up for the occasion in her Nostalgia Critic Ghostbuster cosplay. I had seen the movie before on Netflix, but getting to see it on the big screen was quite the rare experience. To commemorate this occasion, here’s Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. They ain’t afraid of no ghosties. They giggle at them!

They ain't afraid of no ghost by Christinies on deviantART

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Seltzer and Friedberg Take Note

The MysteriousMrEnter explains how to make a proper parody by reviewing Duck Dodger’s “Samurai Quack.”

Not Even Anita Deserves This!

It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of Anita Sarkeesian, but I wouldn’t say that I hate her. I wouldn’t even say that I’m against what she stands for. Ultimately, she wants more and better female representation in video games, which I’m sure most of you also want as well. What I’m against is how she’s trying to go about accomplishing this, which leads to her grossly misrepresenting games and gamers. At best, she’s disingenuous; at worst, dishonest. But she’s not evil, and she’s not deserving of death threats like this:


These death and rape threats have gotten to the point where Anita has been forced out of her own home!

Guys, please don’t do this.

I’m all for free speech, but I also understand that it has its limits. Death threats are not protected free speech, and they do nothing to help your case. They just make you look like a psychopath. If you’re going to use free speech against her, be like Thunderf00t and do so through constructive criticism.