Nuggets of Wisdom

Monday, November 24, 2014

No Indictment For Darren Wilson

Does this news honestly shock anyone?

Folks, we live in a country where the president has the unadulterated power to circumvent due process and target American citizens for assassination if they’re believed to be remotely associated with terrorists, even if there isn’t any clear evidence to prove it. If you’re shocked that a white police officer can avoid indictment for shooting an unarmed black teenager, you’re simply not paying attention. In this country, authority grants you a license to kill with impunity and immunity. If you’re in charge of “upholding the law,” that makes you above the law, and everyone else is freaked.

Again, can you honestly be shocked by this? Because you shouldn't. You really shouldn't.

PETA Is Too Ridonkulous For Satire

Originally, I was going to write a satirical holiday article about how PETA wanted to ban Thanksgiving, and how their anti-Thanksgiving campaign involved petitioning to have Macy’s Tom Turkey float replaced with an inflatable soy tofu cube, but I decided not to write that article for two reasons.

One, PETA (People for the “Ethical” Treatment of Animals) is low-hanging fruit. Organizations like it and Westboro Baptist Church are too easy of a target. The question is not how do you make fun of it, the real question is how does any rationally-thinking human being take seriously such an organization that flippantly compares chickens to Holocaust victims, or protests Nintendo over Mario's Tanooki Suit? The answer is that you can’t. I don’t even think self-respecting vegetarians and animal rights activists take it seriously. You simply cannot ridicule something that is already ridiculous.

And two, as with many of my other satirical article ideas, mine was plagarized by reality. No, PETA is not petitioning to ban Thanksgiving, but they are planning to host a protest at the Macy’s parade over the inclusion of a SeaWorld float—and of course, their protest involves copious amounts of nudity. Because
PETA! (Again, you can’t ridicule what is already ridiculous!)

So from all of us here at the Daily Bungle, here’s wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving, and be sure to have an extra hearty helping of turkey to piss off PETA.

This Week In Review #04

We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by administering a weekly test for our readers to see how well they can differentiate real news from fake news. Two of the following news stories are real. The rest of them are fake. Can you tell the satire from the real deal? (Without clicking on the links or hovering over them, of course!)

Friday, November 21, 2014

Upcoming Dark Stallion Release Dates

Every fourth week, I will take a break from uploading a new Dark Stallion fanfic chapter to give me time to write and complete it. This week will be an exception with a two week break as I will be visiting relatives for Thanksgiving. Until then, here is the tentative schedule for the next three chapters:

12/06: Episode 04: An Old Rival Returns! Xander's Wizard Duel.
12/13: Episode 05: I Can Be Strong. Train Me, Ninja Star.
12/20: Episode 06: Do I Wish To Remember? Searching For Sky Wind's Lost Memories.

Monday, November 17, 2014

SATIRE: Paul Krugman Admits Being Poe, Quits Job

Paul Krugman Admits Being Poe, Quits Job

NYT columnist says he’s not a real economist, but he plays one in the newspaper.

Walter Crockpot
Daily Bungle

Nobel prize-winning economist Paul Krugman has stepped down from his 15-year position writing for the New York Times, but not without revealing his biggest secret: he’s not really an economist.

Krugman, who coined the term “very serious people” to mock pundits who are considered respectable despite holding mistaken beliefs, penned his final column last week in which he confessed to being one of those “very serious people,” revealing that his position as an economist was merely a ruse.

In reality, he never received a Nobel Peace Prize in economics. He never taught economics at Princeton. He never even studied economics in college.

Instead, he had originally graduated Clown College with the intention of breaking out into the entertainment business, but felt that his comedic talents would be squandered working in traveling circuses and carnivals.

So upon graduation, Krugman decided to pull off what he considered to be the biggest prank of them all by passing himself off as a respectable economist while writing the most ludicrous statements.

“When I pitched this proposal to the editor, he told me it was the most asinine thing he had ever heard, and then he shoved the contract in my face and had me sign it,” Krugman said during an in-person interview.

Click here to read the rest of the story.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Guess Which Movie I Saw Today?!

And before you ask, yes, it was epic—not as good as Frozen, but a fair tie with Wreck-It Ralph! If you haven’t seen it yet, by all means, do!

Sunday Funnies (11/16/2014)

Need a good laugh? We all do. So here’s your weekly compilation of political cartoons. This week marked yet another Veterans Day when Americans honor the sacrifices that our brave men and women in uniform made to protect our freedoms. We as Americans thusly honor their sacrifices by refusing to turn out to vote on Election Day, allowing the government to take over control of the internet, and by sending even more brave men and women overseas to fight and die in senseless wars. Wait, somehow I don’t think any of that is “honoring.” Seems like quite the opposite!


Click Here to view the rest of the political cartoons.

This Week In Review #3

We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by administering a weekly test for our readers to see how well they can differentiate real news from fake news. This week, we're mixing things up a little: two of these news stories are real, and the rest of them are fake. Can you tell the satire from the real deal?

Click here to see the news articles in question.

Statist And Anarchist: Bill Titles

What’s with the most notorious bills having the most innocent-sounding titles? That answer seems quite obvious: if their titles honestly-expressed their intentions, then no thinking, rational human being would support them.

Click here to read the rest of the newest "Statist and Anarchist" comic strip.

Saturday, November 15, 2014

I Wish I Was Born In A Sane Reality

With each and every passing day, I become more and more convinced that I was born in the wrong dimension—that, within our multiverse, there exists a much saner reality wherein I was supposed to be born, but was, instead, by cruel happenstance, born into this insane reality.