Nuggets of Wisdom

Friday, March 19, 2010

Celebrities Say The Dumbest Things

I don’t want to write this essay. I shouldn’t have to. It should be common sense why the celebrities in my Celebrities Say The Dumbest Things YouTube video are dumb.

Alas, after I released the video, I received less-than-positive comments:

The person who compiled this video is probably some right wing teabagger religious poor person, with a hardon for everything Reagan. Get used to it, the world around you is changing, just because somebody disagrees with you does not make them stupid.

lol the dumbass who made this is just some insecure fearful conservative dumbass with no sense of humor

And just because you have plenty of time to make videos on youtube doesnt mean you are anymore qualified to discuss politics or religion.

Well, since nobody could grasp the humor behind my video, I shall now elucidate why these celebrities and their quotations are blithering, ignorant nonsense.

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What's Walmart, do they sell like wall stuff? - Paris Hilton

I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.- Britney Spears

Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea'. - Jessica Simpson

I've never had kids, thank God for abortion, my God. I don't mean to offend anyone but I wouldn't be a good mother. I shouldn't have kids. – Heidi Fleiss

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

If I have to explain why these quotations are dumb, there really is no hope for you.

The two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a big fat white guy who is threatened by change. - Seth MacFarlane

Contrary to what liberals like Seth claim, conservatives are not afraid of change. Conservatives are skeptical of change, since not all change is good. Conservatives are willing to embrace change unless it requires three things:

1) Radical or Revolutionary Reform: History has proven that a lot of change in a short amount of time usually ends in disaster. Stalin’s Five-Year Plan: Disaster! Mao’s Great Leap Forward: Disaster! FDR’s New Deal: Disaster!

2) Increased Federal Government: The problem with liberals is not that they want to solve social problems, but rather that their solutions usually involve increasing the role of federal government. These solutions usually do little to solve social problems and more to increase the control of the federal government over the people.

For example, the government programs behind “The War On Poverty” (welfare, Social Security, food stamps, etc.) have done little to decrease poverty and more to increase the poor’s dependence on government for their well-being.

3) Unnecessary Change: The best way to describe this is “Taint broke, don’t fix it.” Unfortunately, liberals like to change things that don’t really need to be changed. When progressives like John Dewey reformed education in the 50s and 60s, they actually did more harm to education than good, as can be seen by today’s low test scores and high illiteracy rates.

God is, to me, pretty much a myth created over time to deny the idea that we're all responsible for our own actions. – Seth Green

Somehow when I think of an omniscient holy deity who watches every person and their actions and judges them accordingly, I don’t think of a way to shirk personal responsibility. In fact, I see a good motivation to take personal responsibility.

These guys claiming that the snow in Washington disproves climate change are almost unpatriotic. - Bill Nye

I thought dissent was patriotic, and that great minds think for themselves. But I guess if you “deny” global warming, you deserve to be thrown in the scientific gulag.

As for the blizzards in Washington, while they don’t outright disprove global warming, they do give reason not to take the theory seriously.

And don’t complain to me about the overwhelming amount of “evidence” for global warming, because most of the evidence is either over-exaggerated or inconclusive.

I don't really view communism as a bad thing. - Whoopi Goldberg

Tell that to the people in the former Soviet Russia, or in Communist China or North Korea or Cuba or any other communist county. They may have a different opinion.

Radical Christians are no different than murderous radical Muslims. - Rosie O'Donnell

Because people who picket soldier’s funerals with “God Hates Fag” signs or bomb a few abortion clinics are just as bad (if not worse) than people who fly airplanes into buildings, send suicide bombers to public places, behead people who disagree with them, or violently disrupt elections.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel. - Roseanne Barr

Because the only thing keeping us from world peace is heterosexuality.

You don’t think homosexuals aren’t violent? Look up Gay Liberation Fronts like Bash Back!

In the schoolyard of American politics, President Obama is the big, smart kid with all of the test answers who's being bullied by a bunch of Neanderthal ankle-biters from all sides. - Joy Behar

Isn’t it ironic that celebrities who had no problem criticizing or attacking Bush have major problems with people who criticize or attack Obama? Then again, people like Joy have convinced themselves that no matter how badly Obama messes up, it will ultimately be Bush’s fault.

And for someone who’s supposed to be smarter than Bush, Obama seems to have no problem adopting some of his policies (i.e.: big government spending, bank bailouts, etc.)

Republican comes in the dictionary just after reptile and just above repugnant. I looked up Democrat. It's of the people, by the people, for the people. - Julia Roberts

You know, there is a major difference between Democrats and Democracy. Don’t let your hatred of Republicans blind you to that fact!

I need to know if she [Sarah Palin] really thinks that dinosaurs were here 4,000 years ago. Because she's gonna have the nuclear codes. – Matt Damon

If we have to worry about a nuclear holocaust, I would assume that we would worry more about the Islamic extremists rather than the young-earth creationists.

Seriously, what is with people obsessing over Palin’s religious beliefs? Would her belief that the earth was created in seven literal days really pose a danger if she were president? Wouldn’t a politician’s political ideology prove more dangerous than their personal beliefs? In other words, wouldn’t the fact that Obama is a socialist, or Van Jones is a communist, or Anita Dunn is a Maoist be more troublesome than the fact that Palin is a Young-Earth Creationist? Or is that just me?

I think maybe Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker, but he was so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight. - Wanda Sykes

We need to place this quotation in its full context in order to comprehend just how deplorable it is.

During the White House Correspondent’s Association dinner, Wanda mentioned how Rush Limbaugh wanted Obama to fail—which she interpreted as wanting the country to fail (because hating the president is akin to hating the country). It was then that she made her “joke” about Rush being the 20th hijacker. To top it all off, she boasted that she wanted Rush’s kidneys to fail.

I could care less if Wanda hates Rush (I don’t care for him myself). But when she attends a White House dinner on national television and jokes about how Rush is a traitor to the country who should drop dead, she seriously crosses the lines of acceptable free speech.

[Sarah Palin] was so famous as Governor, you know, when John McCain picked her after meeting her for ten minutes. And, um, that must have been some blowjob. - Kathy Griffin

I understand that Kathy is a comedian and that this “joke” was part of her comedy routine. I am not the least bit shocked that she made such an uncouth statement—as she’s infamous for making them (“Suck it, Jesus!”).

But allow me to cite Newsbusters: “This is what is acceptable to say about a married woman with five children as well as about an esteemed Senator who almost gave his life for our country? Where are the feminists and the NOW crowd who are always speaking out for women's rights? After all, the implication is that the only reason McCain picked her was because of this fictitious act. Is this REALLY where we are as a nation when this is not only acceptable, but judging from the applause of the crowd, considered fine entertainment?”

This [the Tea Parties] is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up. That is nothing but a bunch of teabagging rednecks. – Janeane Garofalo

I already covered this quotation in my Janeane Garofalo is a Stupid Bitch [Part 1] YouTube video. I need not repeat myself.

I'm not comparing Bush to Adolf Hitler, because George Bush, for one thing, is not as smart as Adolf Hitler. - David Clennon

Yes, the only difference between George Bush and Adolf Hitler is intelligence. Other than that, there is no real difference.

Every day, [Hugo Chavez] is called a dictator here, and we just accept it...there should be a bar by which one goes to prison for these kinds of lies. - Sean Penn

Gee, wherever did we get the idea that Hugo Chavez is a dictator? The guy only abolished term limits so he can be president for life, eroded separation of powers, nationalized industries, squelched freedom of speech and the press, imprisoned people who disagree with him, and allied himself with other dictators like Castro. Other than that, he’s a swell guy.

And please don’t argue that he’s popular with the Venezuelans. Hitler was popular with the Germans. Popularity does not equal right.

We would stone [congressman] Henry Hyde to death and we would go to their homes and kill their wives and their children. We would kill their families, for what they're doing to this country. - Alec Baldwin

I really don’t know the context of this quotation. I don’t know if Alex was kidding or not. I will say this: wishing death upon a person and his family (be it a joke or not) seriously crosses the line.

[George W. Bush] stole the presidency through family ties, arrogance and intimidation, employing Republican operatives to exercise the tactics of voter fraud by disenfranchising thousands of blacks, elderly Jews and other minorities. - Barbara Streistand

Yes, George Bush rigged the election to get into office. And while we’re on that note, he also orchestrated the 9/11 attacks in order to invade Afghanistan, falsified documents to invade Iraq for oil, and passed the Patriot Act in order to set up a police state.

And people complain about the conspiracies behind Obama?

We have been the cowards. Lobbing cruise missiles from two thousand miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building. Say what you want about it. Not cowardly. - Bill Maher

So the Islamic terrorists who took the lives of over 2,000 innocent American civilians are not cowards, but the American soldiers who have been fighting the Islamic terrorists are cowards?

I find it an insult to my intelligence and a disgrace to human decency to have to explain why this quotation is deplorable.

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Now before I finish, I want to address a comment I made which many people took out-of-context:

Just because you can sing, or act, or perform comedy, doesn't mean you're qualified to discuss politics or religion. In fact, it means the exact opposite!

Many people interpreted this as “celebrities have no right to discuss their opinions on politics and religion.” To the contrary, while I hate many of these celebrities and their opinions, I believe they have every right to express their opinions. I do not believe that they should have their freedom of speech taken away, or that they should be thrown in the gulag for expressing their opinions.

But just because celebrities have opinions, doesn’t mean we need to respect or accept their opinions. As I have proven in this article, most celebrity opinions--most, not all--are either ignorant (Goldberg, O’Donnell, Penn) or distasteful (Griffin, Sykes, Maher).

Please don’t argue that these celebrities are just like you and me, that they have opinions  and the right to express them just like the rest of us. Because these people ARE NOT like you or me. They have money, power, and influence that you or I do not have. They have the opportunity to appear on television—sometimes on their own shows—and laud their opinions. Add the fact that these celebrities are morons who are out-of-touch with the American people, and you might as well say they’re from another planet.

And please don’t argue that half of these people are comedians and satirists who shouldn’t be taken seriously. Because most of the time, their “humor” is usually a guise for their vitriol. They claim to be joking, but deep down inside, they mean what they say. And sometimes their jokes cross the line of common decency. Joking or not, there is nothing funny about telling someone to drop dead (Sykes), tarnishing a person’s character (Griffin), or making light of a tragic event (Maher).

And what really brings my blood to a boil is that these celebrities’ opinions are so openly accepted and applauded. The low ratings and negative comments on my video attest to that fact.

I could care less if you like Barbara Streistand’s singing, or Matt Damon’s acting, or Janeane Garofalo’’s comedy, or Seth MacFarlane’s animation; but if I have no convinced you that these celebrities are depraved, blithering ignoramuses, then there is no hope for you.