Nuggets of Wisdom

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Six Reasons Olbermann Is No Longer On Countdown

Keith "Bathtub Boy" Olbermann returned to hosting Countdown earlier this week on his new channel Current TV—good news if you’re a pot-smoking college dropout; bad news if you’re a rational person with a functioning brain.

The following are "The Stupid Six Reasons Keith Olbermann Is No Longer On Countdown" as presented by MAD Magazine:

1. He needed time off to undergo intensive physical rehab, after tearing every muscle in his neck making those overdramatic camera-to-camera swivels.
2. He finally used up every possible synonym for “bad,” including “reprehensible,” noxious,” feculent,” accursed,” “stygian,” turpitudinous,” “naufragagting,” and “grody to the max.”
3. It’s a tough economy, and MSNBC plans to eventually outsource his job to Guatemala.
4. Just as in Tunisia and Egypt, Olbermann was another entrenched tyrant to be swept from power by a sudden uprising.
5. It frees up five hours of MSNBC airtime to show even MORE prison shows about flesh-eating convicts.
6. Olbermann finally came to understand that his cartoonish one-sided rhetoric was nothing more than the mirror image of the lowest slanders coming from the other side of the political divide, and that by automatically reducing every opponent to a thuggish monster, he had long since become grotesque, fatally corroding his own moral center. (Ha! Just kidding!)