• STOCK Act Banning Congressional Insider Trading Passes Senate. Last week during his State of the Union address, President Obama promised he would immediately sign any bill banning congressional insider training. He’s one step closer to fulfilling that promise: the Stop Trading on Congressional Knowledge Act (STOCK Act) was passed in the Senate with a vote of 96 to 3. Only time will tell whether or not it will pass in the House before ultimately being sign by Obama. It would be good if it was passed and signed into law. But think about it: we’re asking Congress to pass a bill regulating itself. You have a better chance of the fox guarding the hen house.
• 'Gasland' Journalists Arrested At Hearing By Order Of House Republicans. Academy-award winning director of the documentary Gasland Josh Fox had planned on filming a Congressional hearing Wednesday on fracking. Congressional hearings are open to the public, and while there are restrictions on cameras, Fox claimed he had already received the proper credentials for him and his crew. Even then, such restrictions are rarely enforced. So one would think Fox, being an American citizen entitled to his First Amendment rights, would have no problem filming this hearing, right? WRONG! House Republicans objected to his presence and had him escorted out of the building—in handcuffs That’s right, here in America, a journalist was ARRESTED for trying to film government protocol. (Transparency? What’s that?!) This is the type of crap one expects from a totalitarian dictatorship like North Korea. As someone who received his minor in Journalism and is currently employed by his local newspaper, I’m especially appalled by this. But perhaps I shouldn’t be. After all, the United States fell 27 places in a recent Press Freedom Index survey. (We’re #1! No wait, actually we’re 47th. Go America?!)
• Rand Paul Introduced An Amendment To Force Former Elected Officials To Forfeit ALL Benefits If They Become Lobbyists. “I think it’s hard to prevent people from being lobbyists but I think if people choose to leave the Senate and the House of Representatives and become lobbyists they should give up something. These people are making millions of dollars lobbying Congress, I think maybe they should give up their pension. Maybe they should give up their health benefits that are subsidized by the taxpayer.” And the Senate dropped the vote on the amendment! (Anyone shocked by this? No? I didn’t think so!)
• Komen For The Cure Halted Grants To Planned Parenthood. The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation, infamous for its pink ribbons to raise breast cancer awareness, decided to end its partnership with Planned Parenthood by halting grants to the organization, thus cutting of thousands of dollars in funding. AND THE PRO-CHOICE CROWD WENT NUTS! As could be expected, there was a huge backlash by the left-wing. Within 24-hours of the decision, over $650 thousand was donated to Planned Parenthood. Two Komen officials resigned in protest over this decision. Even the federal government got involved, as two dozen Democratic Senators demanded that Komen reverse their decision. And they did! Personally, I could care less. In my opinion, this was one private organization ending its partnership with another private organization—and it had every damn right to do so! Not to libtarded moonbats, however. To them, such organizations have no right to associate with whom they choose. They especially have no right to deny their support to liberal causes, and if they dare do, then they should be forced at gunpoint to reverse their decision or else suffer the consequences.
• Anti-Gay Senator Kicked Out Of Tennessee Restaurant. Sen. Stacey Campfield (R) was going to have brunch at Bistro at the Bijou when the owner Martha Boggs kicked him out. Boggs said she was disgusted by his recent comments concerning homosexuals and AIDS. “It's just my way to show support for the gay community and stand up to somebody I think is a bully,” she said. “He's really gone from being stupid to dangerous. I think he needs to know what it feels like to be discriminated against.” I don’t blame her. Last week, I gave Campfield 2nd Place as Dumbass of the Week for claiming straight people can’t contract HIV (even though they can). As the owner of the restaurant, she had every right to kick the homophobe out and deny his business. However, what I find ironic is that many libtarded moonbats are celebrating this act of “discrimination”—especially since most of them don’t believe business owners should be allowed to discriminate against their customers. But then again, when have moonbats ever been consistent?
• Roseanne Barr Announces Run For President. The famous sitcom actress announced her run for the Green Party presidential nomination. And what is her political platform? Aside from wanting to bring back the guillotine for Wall Street bankers (a comment that would have been labeled “hate speech” if made by a right-wing pundit), she also wants to restructure the government based on the U.S. population—making 53 percent of elected officials female and one-sixth of the Green Party poor. She would also base all her decisions on her religious beliefs (The Church of Common Sense) and organize a “Million Bitch March.” Sure, she may sound crazy, but is she any crazier than Donald Trump or Stephen Colbert—or how about any of the real presidential candidates like Newt Gingrich or Rick Santorum? (Plus, she’s all for legalizing weed, ending the Fed, and abolishing taxes. So she’s somewhat sane in my view.)
• Fear Factor Episode Where Contestants Drink Donkey Semen Pulled. If you thought a show that forced contestants to eat goat testicles and horse rectums couldn’t get any grosser, then you haven’t seen the episode where contestants drank donkey splooge! Seriously. You didn’t see the episode. It was pulled at the last minute by NBC. I would say that NBC executives made the decision based on standards, but c’mon: the fact they even have a show where contestants eat the most vomit-inducing crap imaginable is proof enough that the network has no standards. Then again, with most of American television nowadays, anything goes!
Dumbasses of the Week
Runner-Up: Juan Williams (Fox News): Seems like everything Republicans say and do these days is “racially-charged”—from posing with pickup trucks to calling Obama the “food stamp president.” According to Fox News political analyst Juan Williams (who was kicked-off NPR for saying Muslims on planes make him nervous), even mentioning the Constitution or Founding Fathers is racist. I’m not kidding. He actually thinks that “Constitution” and “Founding Fathers” are code words for racism: “The code words in this game are “entitlement society” — as used by Mitt Romney — and “poor work ethic” and “food stamp president” — as used by Newt Gingrich. References to a lack of respect for the “Founding Fathers” and the “Constitution” also make certain ears perk up by demonizing anyone supposedly threatening core “old-fashioned American values.” Good grief! Why not just say that Republicans are racist for merely drawing breath?
3rd Place: Charles Payne (Fox News Business): Contrary to popular misconception, the rich are getting richer—but so are the poor, as increased living conditions (created by increased wealth through supply and demand—i.e.: lassie-faire capitalism) now allow even the poorest among us to enjoy luxuries once only accessible to the rich—luxuries such as air conditioning, automobiles, and even cell phones and I-pads. However, diseases such as gout don’t count—that is, unless you’re Fox News Business analyst Charles Payne: “The very poor in this country do have a lot of programs, a lot of benefits. People aren’t dying in America. You know, in fact, the very poor suffer from gout. In the 1920 and 30s, that was called the rich man’s disease.” It is true that gout was once considered a rich man's disease, but the fact poor people now contract it isn't a sign of prosperity. It's actually a sign of obesity (a main cause of gout), which is prominent among the poor due to poor diets.
2nd Place: Newt Gingrich: One would think that riding the largest mass-transit system in the world—a system mostly utilized by the middle class and poor—would not be considered “elitist.” Not to presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich. To him, riding the New York subway is completely elitist (Of course, in his defense, he was really attacking the elites who live in the city): “Those who, you know, live in high-rise apartment buildings writing for fancy newspapers in the middle of town after they ride the metro, who don't understand that for most Americans the ability to buy a home, to have their own property, to have a sense of belonging is one of the greatest achievements of their life, and it makes them feel like they are good solid citizens.” Why is it that the corporatist neocons in the Republican Party consider everyone else an elitist when they themselves support policies that mostly benefit the richest among us—you know, the elites?!
1st Place: Rick Santorum: Ricky boy is infamous for embarrassing himself every time he opens his mouth. So it’s only fitting he wins first place for Dumbass of the Week. While campaigning this week, he told a mother and her sick son that they shouldn’t complain about high drug prices because iPad prices are also high. I wish I was making this up: “People have no problem paying $900 for an iPad, but paying $900 for a drug they have a problem with?” First off all, the average iPad costs around $500. Second of all, there’s a major difference between an iPad and life-saving medicine—very major effing difference! iPads don’t keep people alive; medicine does. Now while I agree that we should allow market forces to drive down the costs of medicine to make it more affordable, rather than subsidizing it with government money (which would only make it more expensive—as was the case with Medicare), I just found what Santorum said to be pants-on-head retarded!