Nuggets of Wisdom

Friday, February 24, 2012

WTF Fridays: Robin Sparkles "Let's Go To The Mall"

Decided to rename “Random Fridays” to “WTF Fridays.” I believe the name’s more fitting, don’t you think?

This week’s gem comes from the sitcom “How I Met Your Mother,” a show I’ve quickly taken a liking to thanks to a few friends. In the episode “Slap Bet,” the other characters try to guess why Robin doesn’t like going to the mall. Her boyfriend Ted pries from her the secret that she was married to another man in a mall—a secret which is quickly proven bunk through a legal database search. Barney then discovers an on-line video featuring a young Robin dressed as a school girl pleading with a male teacher not to give her detention. Everyone suspects it’s an opening to a porn, to which Robin replies that it’s not, as “a porn would be less embarrassing.” The video then continues, and the young Robin declares “Let’s go to the mall!” and changes her appearance to a stereotypical 80’s popstar.

Robin confesses than when she was growing up, she was teenage popstar Robin Sparkles (No relation to Twilight Sparkle, of course!) whose one-hit wonder “Let’s Go To The Mall” was performed throughout Canada in a concert tour of malls. Robin said that during the time she mostly lived off a diet of Orange Juilius and Wretzel Pretzels. She was so embarrassed by this aspect of her life that she has since developed her aversion to malls.

The music video itself is as cheesy as one would expect an 80’s music video to be, what with its lame fashion and flashy special effects. Robin Sparkles is an obvious parody of Cyndi Lauper, and the cheese factor is multiplied with her Canadian accent (“At the mall, having fun is what it’s all aboot!”). And if you forgot she was Canadian, the music video will constantly remind you with the Canadian flag in the background, a reference to Canada Day, and an appearance from Prime Minister Brian Mulroney.

Below is the music video, followed by the lyrics:

Let's go to the mall, everybody!

Come on Jessica, come on Tori,
Let's go to the mall, you won't be sorry
Put on your jelly bracelets
And your cool graffiti coat
At the mall, having fun is what it's all aboot

I haven't done my homework yet (That's OK!)
And you know how my parents get (Whatever!)
I don't care,'cause all my friends are gonna be there
Let's go to the mall today

There's this boy I like
Met him at the food court
He's got hair like Gretzky
And he does jumps on his skateboard

I hope he asks me out
Takes me to my favorite spot
It'll be just him and me
(But don't forget the robot)

Dad says I'm too young to date (Lame!)
But baby, I don't want to wait (Let's do it!)
That's OK, I'm going to rock your body anyway

I'm going to rock your body 'til Canada Day
Everybody come and play
Throw every last care away
Let's go to the mall today

I went to the mall with a couple of friends
I had a whole week's allowance to spend
I want hoop earrings and a Benetton shirt
We came here to shop and we came here to flirt
I turned around and who should I see
Prime Minister Brian Mulroney
He said, "Young lady, I don't approve."
So I had to get down and bust a crazy move

Hit it Fred, come on
Let's go to the mall

Let's go to the mall, everybody!
Everybody come and play
Throw every last care away
Let's go to the mall today

Everybody loves the mall!
Everybody come and play (Yeah!)
Throw every last care away (I love my hoop earrings!)
Let's go to the mall today