And speaking of Rebecca Black, today’s installment is on a new song that’s so bad it makes Rebecca Black’s “Friday” sound good.
How bad is it? The video has been up for two weeks and has received over 9 million views with over 400 thousand dislikes. The internent unanimously agrees this is bad.
But don’t take my word for it. Listen for yourself:
Where do I even begin?
I can love and tolerate the electronic beat. It sounds like one of those beats you hear programmed on cheap electric pianos—and I’m talking about the cheap ones you find in dollar store bargain bins! But I can tolerate it, being a fan of electronica music, especially Dubstep.
What I cannot tolerate is the singing. Can you even call it singing? They’re not even trying! The singer of The Care Bears Movie opening had more enthusiasm than these two.
I would compare the singing to nails on a chalkboard, but not only has that simile been grossly-overused, but it wouldn’t even compare. This is worse. Far worse! So worse that I can’t even think of a proper simile to convey how bad it is.
And then there are the lyrics: laziest—writing—ever! Just read the chorus:
Hot girls we have problems too.To steal a joke from the Nostalgia Critic, it’s like if Homer Simpson, Garfield, Snoopy, and Al Bundy all procrastinated until the last minute and finally came up with these lyrics.
We’re just like you, except we’re hot.
The whole world needs to open their eyes
And realize we’re not perfect.
And sometime we lie.
And finally, we have the subject. I’m sorry, but Britney Spears already wrote a song fifteen years ago about how popular girls have it tough: "Lucky." Even if such a song wasn't already done—better!—who cares? Who gives a flying frito how hot girls feel? Yes, they have problems too. We all do. The fact they have to write a song about that just makes them more conceited.
Now if you excuse me, I have to listen to something else to repress this song and make me forget it ever existed. And I know the perfect one: