Nuggets of Wisdom

Monday, June 4, 2012

Top 11 Most Disturbing MLP:FiM Fandoms (#8)

Gavalanche by *Gavalanche on deviantART

#8) Gavalanche

I know what you’re probably wondering: how the hell do you pronounce that name? According to the deviantART user himself, his name is pronounced Gav-uh-lan-chee. (Sounds like a Mexican avalanche!) But his original character’s name is Nasty—which is the perfect word to describe his art.

For the most part, his gallery isn’t too bad. His art has a very exaggerated style, especially with facial expressions, which adds to the humor behind it. And I’ll admit that some of his art managed to make me chuckle; the rest of it, well, made me cringe.

Let’s just say that Gavalanche has a diabolical sense of humor. How diabolical? Remember the Aristocrats joke from South Park? Multiply that by 100 and you have Gavalanche’s deviantART gallery.

You know how some sick bastards take pleasure in tearing wings off of flies. Well, Gavalanche seems to take pleasure in having ponies rip feathers off of pegasi.

Pluck 3 by *Gavalanche on deviantART

If poor Fluttershy breaking into tears in Hurricane Fluttershy broke your heart, this picture will send it right through the garbage disposal.

But that’s nothing: Gavalanche drew three other pictures like that, including a young Celestia tormenting her little sister Luna.

Pluck 4 by *Gavalanche on deviantART

I’m guessing this Celestia would have been BFFs with Mitt “Shave-A-Gay-Kid” Romney.

Now I know what you’re thinking: “Well, those pictures are kind of cruel, but they’re not that bad!”

But oh wait! It gets worse from here.

Remember that moment in The Cutie Pox where Spike falls in love with Twilight’s hair after it become “Rarified” by Apple Bloom’s loop-de-hoop? Here’s Gavalanche’s take on that:

SPIKE RAPE TWILIGHT! (Because rape is funny!)

Speaking of rape:

The elements of consent by *Gavalanche on deviantART

(Again, because rape is funny!)

But again, that’s only the tip of the iceberg. The rest of the gallery contains even more tasteless humor, from Big Macintosh falling onto Applejack in a very awkward manner (and I mean very awkward!), to Twilight and her family coming across Snails playing with himself in the bushes, to Pinkie Pie hearing Mr. Cake call out her name while she eavesdrops on him cheating with Rarity.

And then there’s the series of drawings where Sweetie Belle is a super hero. What’s her super power? Flying! And how does she fly? I’m going to spare your sanity by not showing the picture, but I believe the title says it all: Poopy Belle.

If you think the mental image is disturbing, try looking at the real image!

Apparently Gavalanche really has it out for the Cutie Mark Crusader. Pretty much every picture of her is less than flattering, especially when they involve her older sister Rarity—or should I say her mother.

Oh yeah. That’s right. In Gavalanche’s alternate universe, Sweetie Belle is really Rarity’s daughter. (First, Apple Bloom and Apple Jack, now Sweetie Belle and Rarity? What’s next? Is Scootaloo going to be Rainbow Dash’s second cousin twice removed?)

You see, when Sweetie Belle was born, Rarity wanted her parents to pass Sweetie Belle off as their daughter so she could lead a normal life as a fashion designer, but they claimed it wouldn’t work because originally Sweetie Belle had purple fur, and they were all white unicorns.

So how did Rarity solve this problem?

By bleaching her sister’s fur coat!

Bleachy Belle by *Gavalanche on deviantART

(Because child abuse is funny!)

And it’s not like Rarity treats Sweetie Belle any better. In one picture, she actually attempts to drown her. (Again, because child abuse is funny!)

But if you thought that was bad, there’s a series of drawings called Rarity’s Little Problem where she actually does manage to drown her a la Butter’s Very Own Episode and tries futilely to cover it up:

Rarity's Little Problem:1 of 5 by *Gavalanche on deviantART

Sheesh! This joke was funny in South Park, but in the context of My Little Pony, it just doesn’t work. It’s simply out-of-place and out-of-character. It’s like a five-year-old trying to imitate a Dane Cook comedy sketch.

But the crème de la crème of sheer what-the-fuckery has to be Date Night.

Remember in Luna Night where Pipsqueak said how Luna was his favorite princess? Remember how cute that was? You know what could possibly spoil that moment? Turning it into a full-blown pedophilic romance!

As the name implies, the comic concerns Luna turning all Michael Jackson by dating Pipsqueak. Oh sure, it sounds cute enough (creepy, but still cute), but as the comic progresses, it becomes increasingly disturbing.

Celestia obviously doesn’t approve of their relationship and tries to break it up, explaining to her sister how things aren’t as they used to be and older ponies can’t date younger ones (though that doesn’t stop Celestia from dating Twilight, apparently). But this only prompts Luna to pass a royal decree that removes the age of consent during night hours (which allows hilarity to ensue, like one lecherous stallion chasing Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara—because child rape is funny!)

Things really become messed up as Pipsqueak moves in with the two and is set to become the “Prince Consort of the Night.” But Celestia will have none of it! And just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, it gets worse, much worse: Celestia decrees that Pipsqueak can only be a member of the royal family once he is “tested.”

And how does Celestia “test” him? Again, I’m going to spare your sanity (what little you have left) by not showing the comic. But I’ll give you a hint: it involves his fist and her ass!

If you think the mental image is disturbing, just try looking at the picture. I suggest you don’t. I don’t exactly condone child porn. (Because child porn is funny!)

Now I know many of you probably disagree with my assessment here, as some of you may find this type of humor funny. That’s fine. I personally have no problem with occasional low-brow tasteless humor. I just think it works better in shows like South Park and movies like American Pie. In the context of a little girls cartoon like My Little Pony, I just feel it doesn’t work. It comes off as more disturbing than funny.

How disturbing is it? As disturbing as having a baby’s first full sentence be "S***, piss, f***, c***, c***sucker, mother******, tits, fart, turd and twat."