Mr. “Hope and Change” may have received another four years in office, but throughout the good U.S. of A., there’s plenty of good news to glean from the election:
• Ron Paul Republicans win House. Several Ron Paul-supported Republicans have won seats in the House of Representatives. Newly-elected Paulites include Thomas Massie (R-Ky.), Justin Amash (R-Mich.), and Kerry Bentivolio (R-Mich.). So rest assured fellow Ron Paul supporters: even though the Good Doctor may have hung up his coat on his political career, his legacy of liberty and prosperity will continue to live on.
• Three states legalize gay marriage. Ballot measures recognizing marriage equality for homosexuals have passed in Maine, Maryland, and Washington. Along with the many other states that have legalized gay marriage, and the recent repeals of DOMA and DADT, this takes America one step closer to achieving marriage equality for all. (Of course, now we have to start convincing Americans to allow Adam to marry both Eve and Steve. I mean how can we nearly have a Mormon president and still criminalize polygamy?)
• Two states legalize pot. Ballot measures legalizing marijuana for recreational use have passed in both Colorado and Washington. In those two states, no longer will potheads have to fear being arrested for smoking a harmless plant, and no longer will taxpayers be forced to pay for the insanely expensive and ineffective War On Drugs. (Unfortunately, as California has shown us, this won’t prevent the federal government from interfering—which is extremely hypocritical, seeing as the Chief of State rolled a few doobies back in his college days and promised not to use federal power to crack down on marijuana.)
• Todd Akin defeated. Missouri Senate candidate Todd Akin lost the race to Democratic incumbent Claire McCaskill. Yes, even in an extremely pro-life Red state, voters—especially women voters—don’t take kindly to medieval concepts such as “legitimate rape.”
• Allen West set to lose. Though the results are not yet finalized, it seems as though NDAA-supporter Rep. Allen West will lose his seat in Florida’s 18th Congressional District to Democratic incumbent Patrick Murphy. So one Tea Party-phony will be biting the dust.