Nuggets of Wisdom

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Why Is It Okay To Kill A Cow, But...

[Warning: The following blog post contains disturbing imagery, sexual content, and naughty language. If you are easily offended by any of that, please stop reading now. Otherwise, proceed with extreme caution. You have been warned.]

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. Sometimes you'll find a piece of chocolate with an almond in it, another with coconut, another with nougat. And sometimes you'll find what appears to be chocolate, but once you pop that morsel in your mouth, you discover too late that it's really a turd.

Same thing goes with Reddit. On rare occasions, you'll find a thread with rational, intellectual discussion. But most of the time, you'll run across a thread catering to the lowest-common denominator, riddled with racism, misogyny, and other forms of creepiness.

Such is the case with a recent Ask Reddit thread contemplating why it's okay to kill a cow but not to have sex with it.

No. I'm not making that up.

This is the actual question posed in the title: Why is it okay to kill a cow but the second you have sex with it it is animal cruelty?

Now before you start worrying about the moral decay of society and the possibility of people one day having interspecies orgies in the street, I should remind you that the internet is not serious business. This question and the answers that follow could possibly be only a sick joke. This redditor could very well be a troll--or he could be genuinely clueless about the moral status of bestiality.

Either way, while it is tempting to assume that the internet is inidcative of reality as a whole, it really isn't. The majority of the internet only represents a tiny fraction.

It should also be remembered that people in public are much more reserved than they are on-line. In real life, if someone were to stir up conversation at a cocktail party by asking whether or not sex with a cow was moral, the other socialites would probably respond by pummeling his ass to the floor before casting him out of the country club (and society as a pariah). But thanks to the anonymity of the internet, folks can say and ask things they wouldn't otherwise have been able to in real life.

With that said, hopefully you all will feel slightly more comfortable (but only slightly) diving into this subject matter--this peverse, sick subject matter.

Here's the question in full (with snarky commentary):
Ok before you downvote me into oblivion at least hear me out (I'm listening.)

I am not a vegetarian or into bestiality (Because refusing to eat animals is the same as wanting to make whoopee to them.)

But i read a news article (Citation please.) about a guy who had sex with one of his cows and he was sent to prison and all his animals were taken away from him under the guise of animal cruelty. (That sentence is in desperate need of commas.) I found it kind of hypocritical that if he had shot the cow in the head with a bolt-gun, skinned it, cut out its internal organs and ate them no one would even bat an eyelid, (Because most of us see animals as food, not potential love partners.) he could have used a giant rubber dick to forcibly impregnate it so it would lactate and then kill its child to make veal and this would not be considered cruelty. (Because at least you would have put it out of its misery first before you ate it.)

Yet an act that cause neither the animal nor human harm is a felony (I consider sex without consent to be harm.)

Seems kind of hypocritical in my opinion. (No, it isn't.)

Thoughts? (Yes: What asylum did you escape from and who can I call to report you?)
Now an intellectually-honest and rational response to this would be that animals are unable to communicate consent, and therefore, sex with animals would constitute rape, which is illegal.

But this is Reddit, and they don't take too kindly to reason and rationality. So instead, we get nuggets of wisdom like this:
I think it's because a lot of laws are not based on acts of aggression or property violation, but on deviating from accepted norms. The deviant sexual nature of having sex with a cow/sheep/goat/pig disturbs people, and so laws are written to punish such behavior. It's not about violating the animal, because let's face it, a cow probably doesn't give a shit if you rape it with your little human cock. A cow will literally chew on a screw and swallow it and not give a shit. They are unfathomably tough and stupid animals. We've bred them that way.
Oh yes, let's ignore the legal concept of consent and assume that society only criminalizes bestiality because, well, it makes people feel iffy.

And apparently, making love to Bessie is a-okay because cows and other animals are too stupid to realize what's happening to them. By that logic, that also makes sex with toddlers and comatose patients legit too!

Then again, this is the same site where pedoforks congregate and creepers post underage upskirt shots. So I wouldn't be surprised if redditors actually think that way.

And speaking of pedophilia, here's another gem about the topic:
Why is it suddenly okay for a 40 year old man to have sex with a girl the day she turns 18? Any younger and it's pedophilia or underage whatever. I don't approve of child molesters or pedophiles and shit, but if the person is willing and able to fuck, why is it considered indecent? Because the lawmakers didn't want their coworkers porking their 14 year old daughters, this has been the way it has been done for a couple centuries now. I don't know when, but I'm pretty sure some time ago pre-teens were sold to rich men as wives (I'm talking colonial America, not that long ago). But since then it's become immoral and illegal.
So now the discussion has switched from debating bestiality to debating pedophilia. How do you go from sex with animals to sex with children? Evil Knievel could not have made that jump!

Again, let's ignore consent and assume that pedophilia is only illegal because sexual prudes (and most human beings with common decency) claim it's wrong. Because after all, once upon a time, not only did people smile upon screwing little children, but also selling them as sex slaves. But now everyone is all frowny face about it! Seriously, what is up with that? It's like we morally progressed or something. (More on this arguement later.)

But oh wait! There's more to that comment:
Another final thought on this issue. Why can a 14 year old boy have sex with a 14 year old girl, and it's not wrong, it's normal. But should he have naked pictures of her on his phone, it's underage porn. Should he look up underage girls (his age, not babies or kids) he could get in a lot of trouble if caught. Weird to me.
I know, right? How weird is it to make naked photos of underage girls illegal. It's not like that stuff can be shared on the internet for everyone (underage or not) to see. It's not like we recently had a teenage girl commit suicide because indecent photos of her were leaked to the internet. Nope. It's all just too weird!

But let's go back to the subject of bestiality.

As was mentioned before with pedophilia, most argue that it shouldn't be considered immoral now because, hey, it wasn't always considered immoral:
It's fairly amazing just how fast and recently we've changed our view on bestiality isn't it? It was fairly accepted for thousands and thousands of years, across multiple continents and religions. Then poof, people stopped living in rural areas and started pretending to be 'clean.'

The human psych is truly fascinating.
Yes, truly fascinating indeed. It's like we humans have this ability to morally progress as a species, that actions we once deemed moral can suddenly be considered immoral (i.e.: slavery) and vice-versa (i.e.: gay marriage).

And speaking of religion:
Damn, Christians taking away all the fine ass goat pussy.
Yes, damn those Christians for systematically persecuting zoophiles the same way they've persecuted homosexuals--even though one form of persecution was against consensual sex with the same gender while the other was against non-consensual sex with animals. Same thing, damn it!

Besides, bestiality should not be considered illegal because it's not in other countries. Like Denmark:
In Denmark we actually get a lot of sex tourism because the law here does not prevent you from having sex with an animal as long as you do not harm it. This means that cows, sheep and other large animals that wont feel it or wont be hurt by it are okay, but small animals like dogs, cats, and chicken are not.
And now Denmark no longer seems all that progressive to me anymore. Any country with the same moral compass as Appalachia is not progressive. Then again, neither is a country that has a state church and monarchy.

And now I've saved the worst for last. If you haven't bailed out on me to rush to the bathroom and vomit, we now come to the part of the thread where redditors flat-out confess to having sex with animals.

Again, I'm not making this up.

Take this guy for example who admits having sex with his horse. (On a related note, did anyone see the new episode of My Little Pony?):
As a zoophile I have to agree with you. 
My mare is perfectly capable of letting me know if she is in the mood or not, and I respect her choice. After all she can defend herself with her teeth and hooves, I never experienced this though.  
She also gets moody and sexually frustrated at times when I can't 'see her'.  
We also have a strong bond of trust from over the years. I truly love her.
I want to make fun of that, but I can't. How do you ridicule something that is already ridiculous. It's like trying to make fun of Sarah Palin or Dubya. You just repeat what they say and laugh.

Of course, in this case, the laugh is not in response to how absurd this is, but to cover up how uncomfortable you feel about it. That's all you can do: laugh. Otherwise, you'll breakdown.

Of course, some redditors drew the line here and rightfully expressed disgust. Others went to his defense:
You have reacted with disgust, which is fine. But should you prosecute this man based on what he has said?
And that's not the worst part:
I say no we shouldn't prosecute this man because he likes to screw horses, because it is a waste of fucking resources that could be better allocated buying books for classrooms and stuff like that. Seriously why does the government waste it's time on stupid shit like this. There are people starving to death on the street and we are worried about a guy who plays with a horses naughty bits. /rant
You know, this argument would be more applicable if it were against a real waste of police resources like prosecuting weed smokers, but this is about people raping horses. I don't think the local police force is obsessed with cracking down on horse "lovers."

And with that, I'm done. I draw the line with people admitting to riding their horses bareback.

If you have a strong stomach and strong enough faith with humanity, feel free to read the rest of the thread yourself. Just keep a puke bucket at arm's reach just in case.

Reddit can be a real sick place. But it's a good study of the depravity of the human spirit. So it's both enlightening and vomit-inducing at the same time.