Well, the New York Times released an article confirming my prayers, and sadly, it's not the confirmation I wanted.
The article confirms that the spinoff series is going to be released this fall to celebrate My Little Pony's 30th anniversary. (The only thing worse than forgetting your significant other's anniversary is giving them a crappy present for it!)
If the NYT publishes it, then it has to be true.
So it's official: our favorite cartoon ponies who fight dragons and hydras, perform sonic rainbooms, and saved their kingdom from a changling invasion, are going to be transformed into teenyboppers who study for midterms, hang out at the mall, and flirt with boys.
The article also featured this promotional image, and if you thought the previous one was horrendous, you'll consider this one "horribifuckus":
What I find especially ironic is how so many fans threatened to leave the series because of Twilight Sparkle becoming an alicorn. I'm sorry. That's stupid! There are worse things to happen to a series that would warrant such abandonment--like this abomination! Of all the things that could happen, this is The. Worst. Possible. Thing.
Now if you excuse me, I've got to take the occasional break to look at myself in the mirror and cry!