Nuggets of Wisdom

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

14 Wounded In Texas College Stabbing

At least 14 people were wounded yesterday during a stabbing spree at a Texas community college carried out by a knife-wielding 20-year-old student, who has since been charged with the attack.

Clearly this isolated incident highlights the problem of America's lack of knife control. Only by passing common sense knife legislation can we prevent another tragedy like this from happening again.

I propose background checks for knife purchases, and that knife owners be placed in a national knife registry. Anyone wishing to buy a knife must first receive extensive knife training. Civilians are to be restricted to purchasing butter knifes. Anything sharper are strictly off-limits.

Of course, knowing the rampant knife culture in this country, a reactionary organization will surely rear its head, probably naming itself the National Knife Association, and obstruct this legislation on the behest of their rich donors in the knife lobby. They will probably propose a ridiculous alternative like providing armed guards in our public schools, or even arming teachers and school staff members with pocket knives. Only morons who believe that "knives don't kill people; people with knives kill people" would propose a solution as vapid as that!