Nuggets of Wisdom

Sunday, October 13, 2013

My Top 13 Scariest Nostalgic Moments (#8)

Does anyone remember when the Disney Channel aired stuff that was actually made by--well--Disney?

Yes, believe it or not, boys and girls, there once was a time when you could turn on the Disney Channel and actually watch a classic Disney cartoon or movie. It even had its own version of "Nick at Nite" called "Vault Disney" when you could watch vintage and even obscure Disney film, shorts, and television shows.

Sadly, the channel has since become the breeding ground for future coke-sniffing gutter butt sluts.

Sure, it has a few gems like Phineas and Ferb and Gravity Falls, but otherwise the channel is nothing less than the bedazzled shadow of its former self. Call me old-fashioned, but I really miss the channel's older programming.

One program I miss the most was A Disney's Halloween. This special was a collection of scary Disney shorts and movie segments that used to air every October around Halloween.

Ever since the Disney Channel revamp in the mid 90s, the special has been discontinued, though uploads of it can been watched on YouTube.

It was a scary but fun special that always put me in the Halloween mood, and once October rolled around, I always looked forward to watching it.

But there were certain aspects of the special that I never really cared for.

For starters, the special was actually the combination of two other specials. The first is Disney's Halloween Treat, which was the special that featured scary Disney shorts and movie clips. Of course, the shorts and clips themselves really never scared, but what did give me goosebumps was the host of the special.

We're first introduced to him following the opening title. The scene opens to a dining room decorated for a Halloween party, with the camera panning down the table and showcasing the decorations. Just when you begin to wonder who the host is, the camera zooms into a Jack o'lantern.

That starts talking.

Anyone seen the Nostalgia Critic's Son of the Mask review? (Yeah, that was a good review!) Remember when the baby blows his head up like a balloon? Remember the Nostalgia Critic's reaction to that? How he was screaming his lungs out?

That was my internal reaction to this!

Granted, nowadays, this Jack O'Lantern no longer scares me, but as a kid, it really gave me the creeps. I mean, it just comes out of nowhere. You're just not expecting it.

Luckily, for me and my sanity, this special rarely aired on its own, and for A Disney Halloween, the Jack O'Lantern was scrapped for a generic creepy narrator.

That's the good news. The bad news is that this special had something far worse.

As I said before, this special was the combination of two other specials, the other special being "Disney's Greatest Villains," which was a tribute to Disney Villains. Again, that never scared me. I love Disney Villains. They're the best villains. (Though the special itself is extremely dated, as its most "recent" villain was Madame Medusa from "The Rescuers.")

What scared me was the host for this special: The Magic Mirror from Snow White.

#8: Magic Mirror from A Disney Halloween

What's so bad about him? Well, let's look at how he's introduced to us:

As the ominous narrator drones on about Disney Villains and their connection to Halloween, we open to a scene of a mirror. From its horizon floats a green apparition, and once it approaches, it explodes with a burst of green flame which reveals...

Anyone seen the infamous movie Troll 2? Remember that memorable scene of the kid screaming  "OH MY GOOOOOODDDDD!"

That was my internal reaction to this!

I mean holy squee on a squeeing sandwich with squee on top with a side helping of squee, that is one ugly mug. That face is something you find in the darkest reaches of your nightmares.

Again, the Magic Mirror no longer bothers me as an adult, but as a kid, it freaking terrified me! Whenever they transitioned to that opening scene, I would shield my eyes in terror.

With that said, there are two good things about the magic mirror. First, he was played by his original actor Hans Conried, which I felt was kind of cool. And second, he was scared away at the end by Madame Medusa's gunshots, which I felt was a fair comeuppance for scaring me.

Though nowadays, I feel it would be far better if Master Aqua were to show up and bitchslap him with her keyblade.

How scary is it? About as scary as imagining what Miley Cyrus while eventually look like in 50 years and still twerking. (Have fun with that mental image!)