Nuggets of Wisdom

Friday, October 18, 2013

Nightly Frights: Spiders In The Cactus

This urban legend especially creeped me out, considering how I'm deathly arachnophobic.

The story is about a family that takes home a cactus from their trip to Mexico. They discover the cactus growing and vibrating. It later explodes in a rain of baby spiders, having housed thousands of spider eggs.

As is typical with urban legends, this one completely ignores the laws of nature: spiders don't burrow into plants to lay eggs.

Some variations of the story involve baby scorpions, but again, such a story can never happen, as scorpions carry their eggs on their back until they are hatched.

Either way, if you truly want to quell you fear, don't buy a cactus. Buy a dog instead. Buying a dog from a foreign county has never turned out badly, right?
This bloke and his family were on holiday in the States and went to Mexico for a week. As he was an avid cactus fan he bought a rare and expensive cactus there, it was about a metre high and cost about $500 Aus. He got it home and the customs people were none too impressed so they said it must stay in quarantine for 3 months, cost - $800 or so.

He finally got his cactus home and planted it in his backyard where over time it grew to about 2 metres or so in height.

One evening after a beautiful warm spring day he was out watering his garden and thought he might give the cactus a light spray. This he did and was amazed to see the plant shiver all over, he gave it another light spray and it shivered and shook again. All its arms moved. He was puzzled so he rang the council who put him on to the state gardens.

After a few transfers he got the states foremost cactus expert who asked him many pointed questions, how tall is it, how tall was it when you got it, has it grown well, has it flowered, what type of spines etc etc. Finally he asked a most disturbing question, "is your family in the house?"

The guy answered yes, the cactus expert said get them out of the house NOW, get on to the front nature strip and wait for me, I will be there in  15 minutes.

Ten minutes later, 2 fire trucks, two cop cars and an ambulance came screaming around the corner at the end of the street and stopped out the front of the house.

A fireman got out and came up to him, " are you the guy with the cactus?" I am he said.

The fireman turns to the truck and says 'come on Dave'. A guy jumps out of the fire truck wearing what looks like a space suit, a breathing cylinder and mask attached and what looks like a scuba backpack on with a large hose attached. Stay here, says the first fireman, and they both headed for the backyard.

This was too much for the bloke so he ran around after them and found the guy in the space suit was torching his prize cactus with a flamethrower, he sprayed it up and down with this huge flame which fried everything within a ten metre radius of the cactus, caught fire to the back fence and set off the neighbors trees as well. The guy of course was having kittens, what the $%^& is going on etc etc, after about ten minutes the flame thrower man stopped, his cactus stood there smoking and spitting, half the fence was gone, his garden was entirely rooted.

Just then the cactus expert appears and laid a calming hand on the guys shoulder. "What the hell is going on?" says the bloke, 'let me show you' says the cactus man.

He went over to the cactus and picked away at a crusty bit of it, it was almost entirely hollow and filled with these tiger striped bird eating tarantula spiders, about the size of two hands spans.

The story was that this type of spider lays eggs in this type of cactus and they hatch and live in it as it and they grow to full size. When they are all grown to full size they release themselves, the cactus just explodes and about 150 of these plate size tiger striped hairy spiders are flung from it, dispersing everywhere of course. They had been just ready to pop, can you imagine???????????

The aftermath was that his house and the two houses adjoining on each side had to be vacated and fumigated and sealed up for two weeks, yellow police tape was put up outside the whole area and no one was allowed in for two weeks, then they gave the all clear and they could move back in.
Creepy eh?