Nuggets of Wisdom

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Top 13 Even More Disturbing MLP:FiM Fan Works (#7)

I don’t know anything about Amnesia other than it’s a survival horror game that allows for user-created missions that can be shared on-line. One of the most infamous fan-created missions is Small Horse, which, as the name implies, features characters from My Little Pony.

What can I say about Small Horse? It literally is, by definition, a mind-freak! Words fail me as to how to summarize this game in coherent sentences. But I’ll try my best to do so anyway.

In the very first part, you have the Straw Hat Pirates transport you to an island where Twilight Sparkle leads you into a cave where Goku, Vegeta, and Frieza are dancing before an audience of Abus.

In order to proceed, you have to break down the door using a giant apple (sure, why not?), which you can only get from Vegeta after giving him a motherboard, which he tells you has a power level of “OVER 9000!”

You then enter an infinite hallway of doors where, after encountering a giant floating head, you obtain a key that leads you into another hallway where you obtain a letter, key, and another scare before encountering a fat man riding Twilight Sparkle with Dr. Eggman running past them.

This part of the game ends after you scale a temple where you defeat a zombie Pinkie Pie with a crate, only to black out when you approach her afterwards.

If you’re baffled at all of that, congratulations, it proves you’re human.

The next part takes place in a snowy woods inhabited by wolves, corpses, and Tie Fighters.

There you come across a castle that you can only enter after knocking down its wall by catapulting boulders at it, and you can only obtain the boulders by first obtaining from Master Roshi the Master Sword (which you hold aloft while exclaiming “I have the power!”).

But before you can do all that, you have to obtain a corkscrew from Rainbow Dash after returning to her her blind bag pony doll, which was stolen by a moblin who brags about how wonderful his broom is before disappearing.

You escape a horde of zombies, get the boulders to knock down the wall, and enter the castle by unlocking its door with the corkscrew.

And now we come to the third part, which is by far the most disturbing.

You find yourself in what appears to be Hyrule Castle inhabited by angry dogs and a bee that stings you if you touch it.

You have to proceed through a door hidden behind a monument which you can only bypass by breaking it with a giant kinderegg. (So that’s why they were banned!)

Entering through the door, you find yourself inside…the Shadow Temple from Ocarina of Time, which happens to have a giant Cthulu head at a bottom of a pit.

You know, if I point out everything out there with this game, I’m going to be here all day!

Venturing into the temple, you encounter Fluttershy who became lost looking for her pet Angel. (Just leave him! He’s only going to smack you for not making his dessert the right way.)

Being the brave hero you are, you explore the temple looking for Angel Bunny and return him to Fluttershy.

And then the game goes to Hell!

Upon leaving Fluttershy, you hear her call out to you, asking you not to leave. You turn around to find…


Yeah, turns out Fluttershy is a demon who wants you to stay with her forever and ever. So you do the logical thing and get the hell away from her, traversing up a stair case where her face pops out before you, but you manage to escape into the light.

And now you’re in Mario’s Circuit where you have to allow a kart-racing bird-flipping boy to drive through the track by giving a creepy Japanese trio a bone, an apple, and a bottle, and then you have to defeat an Army of Shredders by summoning a penguin by feeding Pumbaa a potted plant.

I wish I was high enough to make this crap up.

There are more parts to this game, but my sanity had since maxed out with three. And really, what else is there to say? This entire game is completely bat-shit insane from beginning to end. At best, it’s confusing. At worst, it’s traumatizing—especially with Fluttershy as a demon.

And you know what else is disturbing? I followed this game by watching PewDiePie’s Let’s Play of it, and what could be more disturbing that listening to an obnoxious rape-joke spewing Swede?

I would say that this game was something thought up by stoners, but I don't even think a stoner would be able to discern this, even if he had taken every drug imaginable.

Now that is scary!

How disturbing is it? As disturbing as watching Nostalgia Critic’s Top 11 Mindf***s. Backwards. While on every drug imaginable!