Nuggets of Wisdom

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Top 10 Good Things About 2014


2014 wasn’t exactly the best of years, what with Ebola, ISIS, the CIA torture report, midterm elections, police killings, and the countless other incidents making it a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year. However, while it’s easy to be pessimistic about last year, there were several rare good moments, and if you focus on these few good things, then the year doesn’t seem quite bad. Here are at least 10 good things that happened in 2014.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

RIP Christine Cavanaugh (1963-2014)


If you’re a 90s kid like myself, you probably grew up hearing the voice of Christine Cavanaugh. Even if you didn’t know her name, you probably knew the characters she voiced, the most prominent being Chuckie from Rugrats, Dexter from Dexter's Laboratory, Gosalyn from Darkwing Duck, and the titular pig character from Babe. While she's not my most favorite voice actor, she was an actor whose voice permeated my childhood, which only makes her recent passing all the more bittersweet.

In tribute to her, here‘s a video of the most heart-touching moment from Rugrats In Paris featuring her character, Chuckie Finster:


Seriously, Stop Shooting Cops


Barely one week after two NYPD officers were fatally shot, another gunman shot two LAPD officers, though fortunately not fatally.

The only thing these police shootings are accomplishing is giving credence to the police state. “Well, of course we need to be armed to the teeth with military-grade gear, and we have to be allowed to shoot anyone on sight, because there are thugs out there trying to kill us!”

There are many ways to combat the police state. Trying to assassinate police officers isn’t one of them.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Upcoming Dark Stallion Release Dates

My Dark Stallion fanfic has reached the halfway point, and from here on out, things start to get heated in the next few installments. The Amulet of Purity will finally be uncovered, and the main characters will celebrate this discovery at the annual Grad Galloping Gala. But the party is expected to be crashed by uninvited guests: the Shadow Clan. What secrets does the Amulet hold, and why does the Shadow Clan have their eyes set on it? Find out when these new chapters of The Dark Stallion are released.

01/03: EP07: At Last, The Amulet Of Purity Found!
01/10: EP08: To The Grand Galloping Gala, Night Of Wonder.
01/17: EP09: The Gala Crashed! Princesses In Peril.

To catch up on The Dark Stallion, read the first six chapters here.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Happy Hearth’s Warming Eve, Every Pony!

Merry Christmas, everyone—or if you’re Equestrian, Happy Heath’s Warming Eve, every pony! Here’s a holiday picture of Fluttershy standing underneath the mistletoe with a certain special somepony. If you’ve been reading my fanfic, you’ll know who he is.


My Little Pony: Christmas by Ninja-8004 on DeviantArt

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Who Approved This F***ing Anti-Gun PSA?

Let’s pretend you support gun control. (You may have to hit yourself in the head with a hammer to get into the right mindset!) Assuming you believe that people should be allowed to turn in the legally-owned weapons of other citizens, the last thing you should do is advise young children to steal their parent’s guns and take them to school to turn them in.

I mean, what could possibly go wrong?!



To illustrate how awful this video’s advice is, a few years ago, there was an honor student who was suspended for turning in a knife that was accidently packed in his school lunch.

Honor student. Suspended. For accidently bringing a knife to school.

Could you imagine if this student turned in a gun that he intentionally brought to school? The same hands handing in the gun will probably have handcuffs slapped on them once the police are summoned. And that’s a best case scenario—if he’s white! Worst case scenario, if he’s black—well, two words: Tamir Rice!

Monday, December 22, 2014

SATIRE: Movie Review: Black "Annie" Supports White Supremacy


Movie Review: Black "Annie" Supports White Supremacy

The new "Annie" may have black characters, but it supports the same white supremacist capitalism of the original.

Irma Kant
Daily Bungle

Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year—if you're an affluent white Christian cisgender heterosexual male. If you're not, then the holiday is yet another sad reminder of your oppression and exploitation under our white supremacist, patriarchal, heteronormative, transphobic, Eurocentric, imperialistic, hyper-capitalist society.

After all, when most Americans think of the ideal Christmas, they always think of a "White Christmas", never a "Black Christmas." If that doesn't blatantly reveal how the Christmas season is deeply rooted in white supremacy, then I don't know what does.

Despite this, many people-of-color have found solace this holiday season with the new "Annie" movie released last week. My fellow social justice warriors have considered it an early Christmas present, with its black cast providing much-needed media representation in a white-dominated movie landscape—not to mention it was satisfactory to see so many racist temper tantrums on social media over the casting of the titular character as a young black girl. (Mmm! Nothing goes better with hot cocoa than white tears!)

However, despite casting the traditionally white characters of this traditionally white musical as POC, this movie still proves to be rather problematic, especially with its white supremacist, capitalist overtones. If anything, the black casting makes it all the more problematic!

As a white girl, I humbly check my privilege and acknowledge that I cannot properly speak for POC; however, having taken a course in African-American studies, and having dated a black guy, I feel I'm somewhat qualified to discuss black issues as a white ally.

Click here to read the rest of the article

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Why I Don't Care For The Hobbit Trilogy

The original 1977 Rankin-Bass animated feature told in an hour and a half the exact same story currently being told over three movies spanning a total of nine hours.


Saturday, December 20, 2014

This Isn't How You Fight The Police State


Comedy Central


Guys, I’m against the police state as much as you all are. I’m just as concerned about the militarization of local law enforcement, and I’m just as disgusted by the overt displays of police brutality and abuse—even more so by how our “justice” system allows police officers who murder in cold blood to walk free. I’m all for fighting against the police state any way we possibly can.

However…

Killing police officers who have done no wrong for the sake of retributive vigilantism isn’t how we should go about doing that.

Those two police officers did not kill Michael Brown. They did not kill Eric Garner. They did not kill or even brutalize anyone. They were simply police officers doing their jobs. Killing innocent people to avenge the deaths of other innocent people is not justice. It simply isn’t. Not by any definition of justice. No, not one.

Edit: While searching Tumblr, I found another relevant Jon Stewart pic:


Tumblr

MLP:FIM: The Dark Stallion - Episode 6

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic presents

The Dark Stallion

Episode 06: Do I Wish To Remember? Searching For Sky Wind’s Lost Memories.

**********

Last time on My Little Pony:

Following an attack on the Apple Family farm by the Shadow Clan, Ninja Star comforted Fluttershy and agreed to train her in self-defense. His training caused her to become obsessed with him and his culture, to the point where her friends hardly recognized her. However, as over-the-top as she acted, her training managed to pay off after she helped fend off the Shadow Clan during another attack. Does Fluttershy now have the power to help Ninja Star and the others defeat the Shadow Clan?

**********

Rainbow Dash raced alongside Sky Wind as the two pegasi soared in the blue sky over Ponyville. They both laughed and giggled, zig-zagging past the clouds, sometimes even flying through them. Even though they were engaged in a friendly race, both remained determined to win, as each tried to fly ahead of the other. Sometimes Rainbow Dash was in the lead; other times, it was Sky Wind.

Sky Wind slowly inched ahead of Rainbow Dash. “I’m going to beat you!”

“Oh, no you’re not!” Dash replied, squinting her eyes as she flapped her wings harder and faster, pulling ahead of Sky Wind.

In the end, it did not matter to either of them who was winning. They really just enjoyed being in each other’s company and having fun with each other.

Which is why Sky Wind became distraught when Rainbow Dash vanished in a purple puff of smoke.
Sky Wind halted. Turning back, he saw only purple wisps where Rainbow Dash used to be.

“Rainbow Dash?!” he exclaimed.

The sky shifted from blue to red and became blanketed with black clouds that crackled with thunder and lightning.

Sky Wind shuddered at the sudden change in weather. His nose then itched at the smell of fire and brimstone. Looking down toward the earth, he gasped upon seeing all of Ponyville engulfed in flames. He flew toward the town where all the buildings lay smoldering in ruin. Aside from the debris, the streets were completely empty with not a single pony in sight. The only noise in the air was the loud crackling of fire.

This had happened so suddenly that Sky Wind could barely comprehend it. He began to hyperventilate, choking from the stench of fire and smoke.

“What’s going on?” He exclaimed. “Who did all this?”

A loud laugh erupted from the sky above, sending a shiver down Sky Wind’s spine. He turned to see the dark clouds spiral into a figure of a black alicorn.

“You of all people should know,” the stallion boasted in a booming voice as he looked down upon Sky Wind. “You’re the one who helped create this.”

Sky Wind shook his head frantically. “That’s not true! I would never do anything like this.”

“Oh, but you have,” the stallion replied. “And you will.”

Sky Wind closed his eyes and shuddered in fear. “No. No. NO!”

His eyes shot wide opened.

He had awakened on his cloud, upon which he had been sleeping.

Sky Wind inspected his surroundings. It was still nighttime. He took a few deep breaths before lowering his head, closing his eyes, and returning to sleep.

It was only a nightmare, and yet, to him, it felt so real. Too real!

Friday, December 19, 2014

Anti-Rape Feminists Are Modern Day Lynch Mobs



When the Rolling Stone UVA rape article broke the web, I wanted to add my two cents on the matter, but didn’t have the time or the motivation to do so. Quite frankly, ain’t nobody got time for that BS!

So it’s only fortunate that the ever erudite Phil Mason has thrown his two cents into the fray—and, quite frankly, my cents are wooden pennies when compared to the gold coins that are Thunderf00t’s:



When I think of false rape allegations such as those surrounding UVA and Duke, I think of To Kill A Mockingbird. For those of you who aren’t as literate as I am, the novel involves a lawyer, Atticus Finch, defending a black man falsely accused of rape, and even though he proves without a shadow of a doubt that the man is innocent of the crime, the jury still finds his defendant guilty. I can’t help but imagine that if Mr. Finch were around today, defending the same case with the same tenacity, feminists would be smearing him as a rape apologist, all because he believes his defendant deserves to be presumed innocent until proven guilty—you know, the same standard of justice that has been governing civilized society for the past thousand years!

And, you see, this is what is at risk with all of this “college rape” hysteria that feminists are peddling. No one is going to argue that rape isn’t an issue. What people like me are concerned about are feminists trying to combat rape by completely warping due process to suit their agenda, and, by doing so, discarding thousands of years of legal precedent. To them, a rapist is guilty until proven innocent—and like the Queen of Hearts, they would rather have the sentence first, verdict afterwards. (Wow. Two literary references in one blog post? “I is real English major!”) Feminists may call this justice. Decent people like myself call it appalling. You might as well go vigilante and hang the poor bastard from the tree—and if his skin is dark, be sure to don your white hoods and carry your burning crosses!

Thursday, December 18, 2014

One Good Thing About Ending The Cuba Embargo


Obama announced that he was going to lift the 50-year-old Cold Era embargo on Cuba. While neocons are grinding their teeth over this decision, I think that it will allow for a valuable learning experience.

Now that there's nothing preventing U.S. citizens from visiting Cuba, leftist college students who proudly vote Democrat and “think for themselves” (i.e.: regurgitate the talking points their Marxist professors indoctrinated them with) will now have the opportunity to visit this Communist country and take a first-hand look at socialism at work. (Heck, maybe many of these starry-eyed students will even take the opportunity to move there!)

I’m sure after a good month or two of high taxation and “free” healthcare and education, and after receiving their much-delayed wake-up call to how socialism actually operates, these students will be swimming their way back to Florida to return to the evils of capitalism.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Cheney's Mind Truly Is A Scary Place

It’s filled with G3 Ponies! Pure. Unadulterated. EVIL!



As to whether or not the former VP is a “righteous warrior” or a psychopath, well, there’s no debate on that: he’s a freaking psychopath! If you were to look up the word in the dictionary, you will find Dick’s ugly mug staring back at you.

I don't care if you are left, right, or center. If you think torture is okay, if you think inflicting pain on another human being is okay, you clearly lack empathy. That makes you a psychopath. Plain and simple.

SMASH! Music Video Is...Smashing!!!

The best animated music video ever for the best fighting game ever—possibly the best game ever, period! (Seriously, I cannot wait to get SSB WiiU for Christmas!)



Also, nice to see that Luigi, who has always been stuck as Player #2, gets to be the #1 victor in this video! :D

Monday, December 15, 2014

White Privilege Debunked

Chances are you’ve probably come across this cringeworthy comic explaining what “white privilege” is. If that comic hasn’t completely fried away your brain cells, here’s a clever rebuttal to it:












































Imgur

Zoo Race (Or WTF Even Is This?!?!)









What did I just watch?

....

Some team was responsible for creating and programming that game. Some supervisor was responsible for looking over that game and giving it a thumbs up to send it to market. Someone actually thought that this was a good enough game for release.


....


Word fail me.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

MLP:FIM: The Dark Stallion - Episode 05

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic presents

The Dark Stallion

Episode 05: I Can Be Strong. Train Me, Ninja Star.

**********

Last time on My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic:

An old schoolmate of Xander’s, LaRouse, came to town and challenged him to a wizard’s duel. Xander reluctantly accepted, and the two fought on the outskirts of town. Though it seemed that LaRouse had the upper hand, it was Xander who became victorious. Later that day, Xander revealed that his search is not only for the amulet, but also for the stallion who killed his father. Will Xander’s visit to Ponyville result in him finding either?

**********

“The Maikeru Blade: For centuries, this sword has served as the bane of evil and the tool in the endless struggle between good and evil, and it has been our family who has been tasked with wielding this blade as to better reign with justice over our kingdom.”

These words were spoken by a stallion as he sat behind a paper screen, upon which was cast his silhouette, revealing him to be dressed in oriental regalia.

In front of the screen, kneeling upon one knee with his head bowed in reverence, was Ninja Star, dressed in a black kimono and white sash.

Next to him stood an altar upon which the very sword being spoken of rested. There the sword lay sheathed within its black scabbard inscribed with ivory oriental characters.

Both the altar and Ninja Star bathed within the light of the morning sun as it poured through the door behind them.

“This sword,” the stallion behind the screen continued, “has been passed down through our family from generation to generation. As I now wield it, so too did my father before me wield it, and his father before him, and every other male within our family before them one hundred fold—and soon, it will be you who will wield this sword.”

Ninja Star kept his head bowed. “And when shall I wield it, father?”

The stallion behind the screen nodded. “When you are strong enough, my son.”

Ninja Star gave a small grin before returning to a more reverent expression. “Forgive me, father, but ever since I could walk, you have appointed the monks to train me in the art of the ninja. During those past 17 years of my life, I have received only the most rigorous physical, spiritual, and mental training. I dare say I even rival the captain of the guard in physical prowess. How much stronger must I become?”

From behind the screen, the stallion likewise grinned. “My son, in all forgiveness, I am sure that within those years of training, you would have learned by now that there is more to strength than just physical, and I dare say, even more so than spiritual and mental. To truly wield this sword, you must not only be strong in body and mind and spirit, but also in heart. When your heart cries out for all that is righteous and just, then will this sword be bestowed upon you.”

**********

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Why I Don’t Care About Bill Cosby

First of all, his rape allegations are nothing more than a media circus being propagated to distract us from actual issues. Second, I was never really a fan of his work. I never watched the Cosby Show, and the only move of his I ever watched was Ghost Dad, and, well, it’s hard to feel sorry for someone who makes schlock like this:

Saturday, December 6, 2014

MLP:FIM: The Dark Stallion - Episode 04

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic presents

The Dark Stallion

Episode 04: An Old Rival Returns. Xander’s Wizard Duel.

**********

Last time on My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic:

Following a string of robberies in Ponyville, Twilight and her friends planned to capture the culprits responsible. Little did they know that they were going up against ninjas. The six would have met their end were it not for the intervention of a lone ninja sword pony. Introducing himself as Ninja Star, he explained that the ninjas were of the Shadow Clan. Though he himself knew little of their intentions, he suspected that they were after the Elements of Harmony, and vowed to offer them his protection. Just who are the Shadow Clan, and what are their intentions with the Elements of Harmony?

**********

“Father! Father, what’s going on?!” yelled a terrified young colt at the top of his shrill, young voice as he raced down a hallway engulfed in black smoke.

He ran towards the door from where the smoke emanated and kicked it open with a single leap. Inside was a study engulfed in flames, and in its center stood a light brown stallion with a wild, dark red mane and a deep scar across his right eye. The stallion grimaced, cackling as he stood over another stallion, dark blue with a silver-blue mane, who lay in a pool of blood before him.

The colt gasped as he recognized the fallen stallion. “Father! No!”

**********

Xander jolted upright in his bed. A cold sweat rolled down his forehead and back. Panting heavily, he surveyed his room, noticing that it was still night.

It was only a nightmare—the same one that had been haunting him ever since that fateful night ten years ago, and it felt just as real as when it first occurred.

With a light sigh, he reclined back into bed with his head resting upon his sweat-soaked pillow. He closed his eyes and returned to sleep. Hopefully, that nightmare would not repeat itself in the same night.

**********

Friday, December 5, 2014

Should America Repudiate The National Debt?


Sodahead


The US National Debt rose to over $18 trillion this week. That number is far scarier when you realize that the debt soared to that level from only $1 trillion over the past 33 years!

Of course, when our political leaders aren’t trying to sweep this big mess under the rug, they’ll be bickering with one another and pointing fingers to shift the blame onto the other party.

And when they’re not busy doing that, they’ll be coming up with conflicting solutions to the problem. Democrats, when they actually give a damn, will suggest raising taxes. Republicans, when they pretend to give a damn, will suggest cutting spending.

But I propose that we seek a third option: repudiate the debt!

At this point, no amount of tax raising or budget cutting will undo the damage that is our national debt, so it seems that the only other sailable solution would be to outright repudiate the debt altogether. If there is no chance of us ever paying it, why bother paying it at all?

That may sound like a crazy idea, but as Murrary Rothbard explained in his article on the matter, not only would the decision be the moral thing to do, but it would be an economically-feasible decision with plenty of historical precedent supporting it.

So what says you? Should we repudiate the debt, or should we try to pay it back through budget cuts or tax increases?

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Monday, December 1, 2014

Soros Vs Koch


Soros Vs Koch by BlameThe1st on deviantART

One billionaire spends billions betting against the U.S. economy. The other spends millions trying to end cancer.

One billionaire spends millions funding science, education, healthcare, and the arts. The other spends millions furthering his own political self-interests.

Also, one billionaire spends 5x more on political donations than the other.

So which one is a greater threat to America?

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Sunday Funnies (11/30/2014)

Need a good laugh? We all do. So here’s your weekly compilation of political cartoons. Last week was Thanksgiving, the time of the year when we as Americans gather for dinner and express our gratitude for each other—right before we end up punching each other in the face over sale items during shopping on Black Friday. Here are just a select few Thanksgiving and Black Friday related comic strips.


Cagle


CLICK HERE to read the rest of the comics.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Seriously, PETA Is Too Freaking Ridonkulous For Satire

Earlier this week, I explained why I was unable to come up with a satirical article about PETA, how the extremist animal “rights” organization was ridiculous enough on its own without having to be satirized. And once again, just recently, PETA proved why this is so.

The organization had a few choice words to say about Obama and the traditional pardoning of the turkey, and, well, the title to the new article says it all: “PETA to White House: You protect the rights of women - why not turkeys?”

Again, is there any point in ridiculing something that is already ridiculous in the first place?

Monday, November 24, 2014

No Indictment For Darren Wilson

Does this news honestly shock anyone?

Folks, we live in a country where the president has the unadulterated power to circumvent due process and target American citizens for assassination if they’re believed to be remotely associated with terrorists, even if there isn’t any clear evidence to prove it. If you’re shocked that a white police officer can avoid indictment for shooting an unarmed black teenager, you’re simply not paying attention. In this country, authority grants you a license to kill with impunity and immunity. If you’re in charge of “upholding the law,” that makes you above the law, and everyone else is freaked.

Again, can you honestly be shocked by this? Because you shouldn't. You really shouldn't.

PETA Is Too Ridonkulous For Satire


Originally, I was going to write a satirical holiday article about how PETA wanted to ban Thanksgiving, and how their anti-Thanksgiving campaign involved petitioning to have Macy’s Tom Turkey float replaced with an inflatable soy tofu cube, but I decided not to write that article for two reasons.

One, PETA (People for the “Ethical” Treatment of Animals) is low-hanging fruit. Organizations like it and Westboro Baptist Church are too easy of a target. The question is not how do you make fun of it, the real question is how does any rationally-thinking human being take seriously such an organization that flippantly compares chickens to Holocaust victims, or protests Nintendo over Mario's Tanooki Suit? The answer is that you can’t. I don’t even think self-respecting vegetarians and animal rights activists take it seriously. You simply cannot ridicule something that is already ridiculous.

And two, as with many of my other satirical article ideas, mine was plagarized by reality. No, PETA is not petitioning to ban Thanksgiving, but they are planning to host a protest at the Macy’s parade over the inclusion of a SeaWorld float—and of course, their protest involves copious amounts of nudity. Because
PETA! (Again, you can’t ridicule what is already ridiculous!)

So from all of us here at the Daily Bungle, here’s wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving, and be sure to have an extra hearty helping of turkey to piss off PETA.

This Week In Review #04


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by administering a weekly test for our readers to see how well they can differentiate real news from fake news. Two of the following news stories are real. The rest of them are fake. Can you tell the satire from the real deal? (Without clicking on the links or hovering over them, of course!)

Friday, November 21, 2014

Upcoming Dark Stallion Release Dates


Every fourth week, I will take a break from uploading a new Dark Stallion fanfic chapter to give me time to write and complete it. This week will be an exception with a two week break as I will be visiting relatives for Thanksgiving. Until then, here is the tentative schedule for the next three chapters:

12/06: Episode 04: An Old Rival Returns! Xander's Wizard Duel.
12/13: Episode 05: I Can Be Strong. Train Me, Ninja Star.
12/20: Episode 06: Do I Wish To Remember? Searching For Sky Wind's Lost Memories.

Monday, November 17, 2014

SATIRE: Paul Krugman Admits Being Poe, Quits Job


Paul Krugman Admits Being Poe, Quits Job

NYT columnist says he’s not a real economist, but he plays one in the newspaper.

Walter Crockpot
Daily Bungle

Nobel prize-winning economist Paul Krugman has stepped down from his 15-year position writing for the New York Times, but not without revealing his biggest secret: he’s not really an economist.

Krugman, who coined the term “very serious people” to mock pundits who are considered respectable despite holding mistaken beliefs, penned his final column last week in which he confessed to being one of those “very serious people,” revealing that his position as an economist was merely a ruse.

In reality, he never received a Nobel Peace Prize in economics. He never taught economics at Princeton. He never even studied economics in college.

Instead, he had originally graduated Clown College with the intention of breaking out into the entertainment business, but felt that his comedic talents would be squandered working in traveling circuses and carnivals.

So upon graduation, Krugman decided to pull off what he considered to be the biggest prank of them all by passing himself off as a respectable economist while writing the most ludicrous statements.

“When I pitched this proposal to the editor, he told me it was the most asinine thing he had ever heard, and then he shoved the contract in my face and had me sign it,” Krugman said during an in-person interview.

Click here to read the rest of the story.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Guess Which Movie I Saw Today?!



And before you ask, yes, it was epic—not as good as Frozen, but a fair tie with Wreck-It Ralph! If you haven’t seen it yet, by all means, do!

Sunday Funnies (11/16/2014)

Need a good laugh? We all do. So here’s your weekly compilation of political cartoons. This week marked yet another Veterans Day when Americans honor the sacrifices that our brave men and women in uniform made to protect our freedoms. We as Americans thusly honor their sacrifices by refusing to turn out to vote on Election Day, allowing the government to take over control of the internet, and by sending even more brave men and women overseas to fight and die in senseless wars. Wait, somehow I don’t think any of that is “honoring.” Seems like quite the opposite!


Cagle


Click Here to view the rest of the political cartoons.

This Week In Review #3


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by administering a weekly test for our readers to see how well they can differentiate real news from fake news. This week, we're mixing things up a little: two of these news stories are real, and the rest of them are fake. Can you tell the satire from the real deal?

Click here to see the news articles in question.

Statist And Anarchist: Bill Titles


What’s with the most notorious bills having the most innocent-sounding titles? That answer seems quite obvious: if their titles honestly-expressed their intentions, then no thinking, rational human being would support them.

Click here to read the rest of the newest "Statist and Anarchist" comic strip.

Saturday, November 15, 2014

I Wish I Was Born In A Sane Reality


With each and every passing day, I become more and more convinced that I was born in the wrong dimension—that, within our multiverse, there exists a much saner reality wherein I was supposed to be born, but was, instead, by cruel happenstance, born into this insane reality.

MLP:FIM: The Dark Stallion - Episode 03

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic presents

The Dark Stallion

Episode 03: Enter Ninja Star, The Stalwart Swordspony

*****

Last time on My Little Pony:

A mysterious pegasus falls from the sky and is saved by Rainbow Dash. He reveals that he has lost his memory except for his name, Sky Wind. Dash agrees to look after him until he regains his memories. During one of their flights together, they encounter a villainous tengu who forms a tornado with the help of an army of shadow pegasi. Fortunately, the two pegasi manage to stop the tornado before it reaches Ponyville. Will Sky Wind ever regain his lost memories? And what of the tengu and shadow pegasi?

*****

Twilight and Spike were sound asleep in their beds when a sudden breeze pushed open their bedroom window. Through it appeared a dark figure that slinked into the room and toward a nearby table. On it lay a magnifying glass with a purple diamond on its handle. The shadowy figure snatched the magnifying glass and disappeared into the night, disturbing neither Twilight nor Spike from their slumber.

****

Over at her cottage, Fluttershy was cuddling with Angel Bunny while snug in her bed when a breeze opened her window. A similar dark figure entered her room and slipped over to her dresser, snatching a comb with a butterfly gem before quietly slinking back out the window.

****

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Our Extremely Low Expectations For Humanity

Yesterday saw two major events take place. The first was the historic first landing of a man-made probe on the surface of a passing comet. The other was Kim Kardashian's butt appearing in Paper magazine.

The good news is that people paid more attention to the historic space landing on a comet over the champagne landing in a glass on the rich heiress’s badonkadonk. (Of course, her ass has since surpassed the comet landing search results.)


Mic


The bad news is that this is considered good news to begin with.

The fact that most bloggers are considering this trend proof that there’s still hope for humanity shows that our expectations for humanity are at an all-time low.

Who cares if more people on Twitter obsessed over the comet landing than they did Kim Kardashian? That’s as much an accomplishment as a grown man not soiling his trousers. That’s something we should already expect from decent people in a sane society—and the fact that this is even "good news" speaks volumes about our own society.

Yeah, keep handing out those gold stars to the students who showed up to class but continuously fail every major exam!

FBI: Americans Less Violent, Except For…


Tumblr


If you waste most of your free time watching sensationalist news media and fictional crime dramas, you’d probably fall under the impression that America is the most violent place in the world. However, when you ignore all of that crap and pay attention to statistics, you realize that America isn’t as violent as the media portrays it. Far from it!

Time and again, statistics reveal that both violent crime rates and prison incarceration rates have been falling over the past few decades. Overall, Americans are less violent than ever before—well, most Americans save for one group:
While violence among citizens has dropped, violence against citizens carried out by police has been rising sharply.

According to the FBI’s annual Uniform Crime Report, 461 felony suspects were shot by police last year, which is the highest number seen in decades. These numbers are likely unreported as well, and only includes felony suspects, so it is possible that this figure is much higher than the study suggests.
Statistically speaking, you’re nine times more likely to be killed by a police officer than a terrorist, and yet Americans are more afraid of being shot by a criminal than they are by a cop.

Gee, it’s almost as if our sensationalist media and entertainment industry helps to justify police brutality and fatalities by overblowing violent crime. “Well, of course the police officer shot him! He was a shady individual, and you can’t be too careful about them in this day and age!”

For that, there seem to be only one solution:


Blogspot

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Dewitos? Doritos-Flavored Mountain Dew?


Yes, folks, this is real. The rumors have been confirmed: there is a Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew.

Now I love Doritos. And I love Mountain Dew. But I prefer to eat them separately. I don’t want to consume them as a whole. I can only guess that would taste like what I would vomit up after going on a Doritos and Mountain Dew-eating binge.

Combining two different types of food can be ingenious, but usually, you don’t always get peanut butter and chocolate. Sometimes you get peanut butter and ketchup—and I don’t even think that’s even slightly comparable to this. I think this—corporate abomination—is more like combining peanut butter and kitty litter, and we all know how that went well in Little Rascals.

Epic Rap Battle: Ghostbusters vs. Mythbusters

It's been a long time since I posted something that wasn't one of my regular features. So, um...here's the latest Epic Rap Battle between the Ghostbusters and Mythbusters!



Who won? Ugh! Tough choice. I like them both. You decide!

Monday, November 10, 2014

SATIRE: Movie Review: “Big Hero 6” Racist, Sexist


Movie Review: “Big Hero 6” Racist, Sexist

Disney's newest animated feature appears to be progressively multiracial, but pushes the same old regressive bigotry.

Irma Kant
Daily Bungle

The Walt Disney Company has been the most notorious propagator of racism, sexism, and every other "-ism" within Hollywood, and the fact that it markets its movies to children and "families" (dog whistle for "patriarchal white supremacists") make them all the more problematic.

Ever since it was founded by that raging anti-Semite, Walt Disney, the company has been brainwashing children with toxic ideals such as white supremacy, patriarchy, heteronormativity, and cis-sexism, with its movies expressing bigotry both explicitly (Song of the South) and inexplicitly (Frozen's white-washed cast—seriously, being set in a predominantly white country and time period is no excuse for not having a single black character!)

However, the company has recently been trying to whitewash its racist legacy by producing more “diverse” and "progressive" movies. Earlier this year, it announced that its newest princess movie, Moana, will star a South Pacific heroine.

But its latest push at multiculturalism is its newest animated feature, and its first animated Marvel collaboration, Big Hero 6.

Many of my fellow social justice-minded movie critics have praised this film for its "diverse" cast with dynamic “multiracial” characters who defy tokenism, especially since this is the first movie to have a young male Asian protagonist who doesn't use martial arts.

Mic’s Gabe Bergado gushes in his review over how “for once, the white guy is the mascot while every other archetype of hero is present rather than simply 'tokenized.' This squad breaks both gender and race stereotypes while figuring out what's going on in their city—this is what the future should look like.”

Such critics have been far too kind.

This move may try to portray itself as "diverse" and "multicultural", but in reality, it's yet another problematic Disney movie that continues to push the same old regressive crap.

Click here to read the rest of the article.

This Week In Review #02


Once again, we here at The Daily Bungle are administering our weekly test to see how well our readers can discern real news from fake news. Below are five news stories. Four are fake, but one is real. Can you tell what is satire and what isn’t? (Without clicking on the links, of course!)

Click here to see the news articles in question.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Sunday Funnies (09/11/2014)

NOTICE: Starting with this post, my future Sunday Funnies posts will be hosted on my Statist And Anarchist blog.

Need a good laugh? We all do. So here’s your weekly compilation of political cartoons. Time for some good news, bad news. The good news is that the GOP took over the Senate by a landslide. The bad news is that this will accomplish nothing in Washington. The good news is that midterm elections have finally passed. The bad news is that the next presidential election has only just begun. The bad news is the politics stinks. The good news is that these political cartoons don't.


Cagle


Click here to view the rest of the political cartoons.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

MLP:FIM: The Dark Stallion - Episode 02

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic presents

The Dark Stallion

Episode 02: My Name Is Sky Wind. I Remember Nothing Else.

*****

Last time on My Little Pony:

When a new unicorn named Xander began frequenting the Ponyville library, who he was and what he was researching raised suspicions among Twilight and her friends. Meanwhile, a magical storm was conjured by a kappa wizard, Squish, in order to destroy the town dam. His attempts were thwarted by the new unicorn. Afterwards, Xander revealed how he has been searching for the Amulet of Purity, an ancient artifact of untold power. Will he find what he’s looking for in Ponyville, and what of this new foe, Squish?

*****

Twilight awoke in the middle of the night to use the little filly's room. Passing by her bedroom door, she noticed a faint light shining from downstairs. Stepping outside, she saw Xander hunched over a table, his head resting upon a book like a pillow. Apparently, he had decided to do some late night studying and had fallen asleep while doing so.

Twilight quietly giggled to herself before heading downstairs. She used her magic to levitate a blanket and drape it over Xander's shoulders. She gently leaned over the table to blow out the candle that had by now nearly burnt out.

“Good night,” she whispered into Xander’s ears before making her way back upstairs.

*****


Friday, November 7, 2014

Statist And Anarchist: Minimum Wage


So you say we should raise the minimum wage? You want to raise it to $15? Why stop there? Why not raise it to $20? Or $25? $50? $75? $100? How about $500? Wouldn’t it be awesome to make $500 an hour flipping burgers? Why bother going to college when you can become a millionaire working at Burger King?

Click here to read the rest of the newest "Statist and Anarchist" comic strip.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

States Criminalize Off-The-Grid Living

"If you crazy wacko libertarians hate government and taxes, then why don't you stop using government services?"

Well, that’s what the people at a Texas sustainable-living commune, happily named the "Garden Of Eden," tried to do. They wanted to live peacefully off-the-grid growing their own organic food, collecting their own water, and generating their own electricity.

And what happened to them?

A heavily-armed SWAT team raided their farm, handcuffed most of their members at gunpoint, and seized most of their produce, which consisted of "17 blackberry bushes, 15 okra plants, 14 tomatillo plants ... native grasses and sunflowers.”

Redacted Tonight’s Lee Camp give the details along with insightful humorous commentary on why it’s not easy for people to simply “stop using government services” and rely on themselves: because the corporate state won’t let them!


“There are two reasons state governments are scared by sustainable living. One is because they can't allow you out of your corporate jail. I mean, if they did that, you might start doing other things like thinking for yourself, doubting the ruling elite, or questioning whether Monday Night Football really matters as much as they say it does.

But the biggest reason off-the-grid communities are under attack is [because] they're good examples. Good examples are powerful. They can ignite fires and change minds, and America has often fought against good examples....If the state allows a few people to live a happy life away from corporations, away from slaving in an office job, away from money and advertiser influence, then every other douchebag out there might start thinking, 'Why not me? Why can't I live like that?'”
So why don’t we move away and start living on our own without government services? Simple. Because the government won’t allow us! The corporate state won’t allow us to grow or hunt for our own food, collect our own water, generate our own electricity, or educate our own children. They don’t want people to live without their services because they don’t want other people to realize that they can live without their services.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

2014 Midterm Election Wrap-Up


The midterms are finally done and over with! No more commercial breaks that are nothing more than negative attack ads. No more opening mailboxes crammed with political fliers. No more tires being slashed over cars having the wrong bumper political stickers, or houses being vandalized for having the wrong campaign sign in their front yard. Finally, after weeks upon months of political propaganda, the country can finally return to normal—at least, until the presidential election two years from now.

Anyway, with all of that madness out of the way, here are the highlights from this election:
  • The GOP gained control of the Senate with 54 seats, as had been previously predicted. However, if anyone with a conservative or libertarian-leaning thinks that this takeover will lead to a prosperous era of limited government or fiscal responsibility, prepare to be mighty disappointed!

  • Sadly, for my state, Adrian Wyllie did not win the Florida governor’s race (though he did receive a decent amount of votes, and he has since taken his loss humbly) which means we’re stuck with another four years under the rule of Emperor Baldy Bald—er, I mean Rick Scott. (Though, to Scott’s credit, he doesn’t have an army of ninjas going around forcibly shaving people!)

  • Also sadly, for my state, Amendment 2, which would have legalized medical marijuana, failed to pass. Somehow, I’m not surprised, what with the media pumping scare ads 24/7 claiming that the bill would have allowed felons and drug dealers to count as medical caregivers—which it wouldn’t have!

  • On a more positive note, Oregon, Alaska, and Washington D.C. have legalized recreational marijuana. The good news is that this now makes four states where Mary Jane is legal. The bad news is that the green stuff is still illegal on the federal level, which makes its legality on the state level moot.

  • Wendy Davis lost the Texas gubernatorial race to Greg Abbott. You mean to tell me that you can’t win a major political race on a single issue, especially if it’s an irrelevant Democrat pet issue like the manufactured “War on Women”? Huh. Go Figure!

  • Mia Love becomes the first black female elected to the Senate, and Elise Stefanik becomes the youngest woman ever elected to Congress. The bitter sweet irony is that these two women who made these milestones in diversity were Republicans. Ha! Suck on that, Dems! You’re not the party of diversity after all!

  • Four states have approved minimum wage hikes. I’ll have more to say on the subject of minimum wage later this week with another Statist and Anarchist comic and essay.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Go Out And Vote!


In all seriousness, go out and vote--especially if there's a libertarian on the ballot! Because when smart people like you don't vote, only stupid people end up voting; and when stupid people vote, we end up with politicians like Bush and Obama.