Even though I’m a huge Zelda fan, I haven’t been following the news of the upcoming Hyrule Warriors. Two reasons: One, I don’t own a Wii U; and two, the game is a spinoff of Dynasty Warriors—in other words, not a real Zelda game, just a Zelda-like game to sate the fanboys until the official Zelda game is released.
But after looking through some new screenshots of the game, one thing caught my attention. Make that two things. Two really big things! Um, anyway, I was scanning these screenshots when I came across a group of…
…GINORMOUS GOZANGAS! Tits Jugs Cia—um, I mean it’s just Cia, the boob guy—BAD GUY! Sorry, I’m just funbags—flustered!
This lovely rack belongs to Cia. She’s the villain of the game. You can tell she’s the villain because she’s wearing as little as possible. (Funny how the media portrays female characters like that. The good girls are dressed conservatively while the bad girls are scantily-clad. It’s like they’re unintentionally enforcing patriarchal gender expectations.)
As you can tell, I’m slightly off-put by this, and I’m not the only one. Seems like this character—or rather her twin sisters—have been causing quite the stir in the Zelda fandom.
I quite frankly don’t know how to feel about this. On the one hand, being a testosterone-driven male, I don’t mind tig ol’ bitties in my games. On the other hand, this is Zelda we’re talking about. This is the “family-friendly” game created by Nintendo, the Disney of the video game world. This is the fantasy hack-and-slash game that children play because their parents think God of War or Skyrim is too gory. I don’t know. Seeing these funbags in the game is like seeing a sex scene in a Disney movie.
Then again, I don’t think it really matters to me because I don’t have a Wii U. Darn it, Nintendo, when are you going to have a price drop on that thing? I don’t want to play the new Super Smash Brothers only on my 3DS!