Nuggets of Wisdom

Monday, August 11, 2014

SATIRE: Woman Enjoys Normal Fast Food Meal


Burger King



Woman Enjoys Normal Fast Food Meal

No complaints were to be made when one female customer had lunch at a local Burger King.

Moron Dowd
Daily Bungle

A local woman entered a fast food restaurant yesterday expecting to enjoy a normal meal. And she did.

Jane Playne went to the Burger King across the street from her workplace, where she has lunch at least once a week, and ordered a Whopper Jr. with fries and a drink.

Upon receiving her meal, she took it to her table and noticed that there was nothing unusual about her food.

Her drink did not contain a human hair.

Her fries did not have a severed, bloody finger.

And her hamburger did not have any spit or semen or any other bodily fluid in it.

The Burger King where she ate at prides itself in providing a clean, healthy environment for customers and co-workers alike.

"Our restaurant has always passed health inspection with flying colors," Manager Bud Dae said. "At least twice a day we give this building a thorough cleaning from ceiling to floor. You could eat off the floor if you wanted to."

However, Playne's meal was far from perfect. Her burger contained onions, even though she had ordered it without onions.

But she did not march to the counter to draw a gun at the cashier and demand her money back.

She did not call 911 to demand that the police come by because the restaurant messed up her order.

And she did not jump onto the counter to drop her skirt and urinate and defecate onto the cash register.

Instead, Playne simply took the onions off of her burger and set them aside, throwing them away with the rest of her waste.

She did not even make a complaint about her meal after finishing it. She simply left the restaurant and returned to work.

"I don't like onions, but I don't mind having to pick them off," Playne said. "Really, it's no big deal, and I don't see why it should be."

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Seems like there's always a news story about something disgusting being found in a fast food meal, or a disgruntled customer going bonkers because their meal wasn't made exactly to order. Wouldn't it be nice to read a story about a normal fast food meal for once?