Nuggets of Wisdom

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Feminist Bakes School Children Cookies Of--WTF?!?

A radical feminist thought it was a good idea to bake "vagina cookies" for a second-grade classroom. Yeah, it's like I said earlier this week: feminism is killing off satire!
DISCLAIMER: This is a friend's story and she isn't a redditor but I begged her to let me post it from the perspective that she told the story in. Also I apologize, I'm not a writer.

I am currently a second grade teacher at a public school. I have a wonderful class and I like to reward them when they have a good week by having volunteer parents bring in snacks (I.E. cookies, candy, granola etc.) provided the parent keeps them hypoallergenic. This week our volunteer parent, who we will refer to as Autumn Lily Speaker (not far from her actual name) told me on Wednesday that she will be preparing cookies for the class and is 'excited for this opportunity'. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and marked it off my weekly to-do list.

So Friday rolls around and the kids are excited. Autumn Lily Speaker comes into the classroom with a pan full of treats and brings them to me and says with a smile "I decided you can use these to teach the kids about the woman's vagina today". Baffled and completely caught off guard I slowly peel the aluminum foil off the pan to behold a plethora of sugar cookie and frosting vaginas. Not just any old vagina, but ALL KINDS OF VAGINAS. There were small, puffy, white, brown, shaved, bald, and even a fire crotch with beef curtains. perplexed I give the parent the most professional look I can muster and quietly reply "I'm sorry Autumn, but I can't give these to my students. This just isn't appropriate."

cue angry radical feminist

Autumn bursts with the fury of a thousand angry Andrea Dworkin's and starts yelling in front of the class about how 'I should be proud of my vagina' and 'I am settling for a women's role in life'. Utterly bemused and frozen from shock all I can do is stand and stare at the woman as the word 'vagina' is yelled in front of my second grade class about 987,000 times. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, she storms out of the class leaving her vagina cookies on my desk. I scramble to collect my thoughts and take control of the situation before my second graders develop vaginal PTSD. My only thought is to scrape off the vagina frosting and hand out the plain sugar cookies to my students.