With the launch of my new blog for The Daily Bungle, I’ve decided to start a new weekly feature. Each week, I’ll showcase the headlines, blurbs, and links to five news stories. Four of them are fake. One of them is real. All of them are equally redonkulous! Can you guess which one is the real deal? (As this is the very first time, I’m making this one rather easy.)
USDA Classifies Cherry Coke As A Fruit
The USDA has classified Cherry Coke as a fruit, allowing it to be served in school cafeterias nationwide.
San Francisco Man Sues Massage Parlor Failing to Render Services for a “Happy Ending”
On Monday David Marshall, 33, of San Francisco, filed a small claims case with the Superior Court of California, County of San Francisco against the Ocean View Spa & Massage in Pacifica for theft of services in the amount of $250...$40 for services rendered which he defined as a “happy ending.”
NFL to Study Link Between Football, Reduced Breast Cancer Rates
[T]he NFL, in an effort to increase its standing among female viewers and silence critics who say the league does not care about women, has commissioned a study to determine what link, if any, exists between the NFL’s Pink campaign and reduced rates of breast cancer mortality.
Study: Fear of Ebola Highest Among People Who Did Not Pay Attention During Math and Science Classes
According to the study, those whose minds were elsewhere while being taught certain concepts, like what a virus is and numbers, are at a significantly greater risk of being afraid of catching Ebola than people who were paying even scant attention.
Marriage group endorses Democratic incumbent over gay Republican Carl DeMaio
A national anti-gay marriage group has endorsed Democratic incumbent Rep. Scott Peters in San Diego over his gay Republican challenger, Carl DeMaio.
In a Tuesday email titled, “Carl DeMaio Wants You to Vote For Him, But He Totally Disrespects Your Vote,” the National Organization for Marriage asked supporters to vote for Mr. Peters, even though he “is also wrong on the issues."