Nuggets of Wisdom

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Top 13 Scariest Sesame Street Moments (Intro)


Funnyisms


I mentioned in my previous list of Top 13 Scariest Nostalgic Moments that I could write an entire list of scary moments from Sesame Street—and I will!

For the past 45 years, Sesame Street has been providing a masterful blend of education and entertainment to both children and adults alike. I’ve managed to see a few recent episodes myself, and I still think the show holds up to this day.

But behind the show’s bright, colorful exterior lies a dark side. While most of the show had sunny days that swept the clouds away, there were a few rare moments that managed to send children screaming out of the room or cowering under their covers.

I mentioned in my previous list that the Sesame Street News Flash intro always scared the sweet Celestia out of me whenever it came on, but trust me when I say that wasn’t the only thing on Sesame Street that scared me, or that I was the only one to be scared silly watching this show. If you visit the Nightmare Fuel TV Tropes page, you’ll read about the many frightful accounts of other former younger viewers and the sketches that used to make them wet their pants.

Many of the more frightening moments on Sesame Street originated during its early years. In fact, most of the early episodes were so freaky that, when they were released on DVD, they came with a disclaimer warning that they were not suitable for today’s children. You may consider that political correctness gone mad, but if you see some of the early material, you might actually agree with that decision.

As to whether many of these Sesame Street scares were intentional or not remain a mystery. On the one hand, this was the first time Jim Henson made anything specifically for children, as most of his early Muppet projects were mostly for adults. So he and his crew probably didn’t realize what was suitable for children or not. On the other hand, Henson was quoted as saying that it was “unhealthy” for children not to be afraid, so maybe he wanted to injected a healthy dose of fright into the Street.

But regardless of whether or not these scares were intentional or not, there is no denying that they caught most of us off-guard and with our pants between our legs—quite literally!

So all this month in October, I’ll be counting down the Top 13 Scariest Sesame Street moments. Why 13? Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

I should point out that I’m not the first one to make a list like this. Over at TGWTG, Dena Natali of the Film Den made a similar list over two years ago, and though I did draw inspiration from it, most of the selections on this list will be of my own choosing, especially since there is a major age difference between her and me.

This list is going to be a general list of moments that scared most people, but it will mostly include moments that scared me personally, or probably would have scared me had I seen them as I was young. As such, if you can’t find that one moment that scared you, or none of these moments frightened you the most, just remember: this is my list.

But without further ado, join me as we find our way to where the air is sweet—most of the time—as we try to find our way to Sesame Street. These are the Top 13 Scariest Sesame Street Moments!

Monday, September 29, 2014

Blame The Fright Month: The Second Screaming!

Grievings, boils and ghouls! It’s that time of year again. October is nearly upon us, and with it, it will bring about the Halloween season once more. As with last year, I will be hosting my month-long celebration of everything creepy and kooky, mysterious and spooky, and all together ooky: Blame The Fright Month!

While this year’s event won’t be as big as last year's (as I only have one long countdown list to share), I assure you, my children, that the scares will be bigger than ever this year, as all month long I will be sharing something new and scary to send shivers down your spines and goosebumps along your arms.

And as with last year, Blame The Fright Night will not interrupt my regular blog posts. With the exception of Daily Pony (which will be replaced with Nightly Frights), all of my regularly scheduled posts will still be active, including Sunday Funnies, the Daily Bungle, and This Week In Internet Social Justice. (Forgot that I still had that, didn’t you?)

Here is but a sneak peek into what is in store this year:


Wiki


Nightly Frights (Daily): Each and every night will feature a new form of fright, be it creepypasta, urban legend, horror comic, or any other scary story or video.



deviantART


MLP Villains (Sunday): This year will see even more fan art showcased of other MLP antagonists such as Lord Tirek, Nightmare Rarity, Trixie Lulamoon, and Sunset Shimmer.



Funnyism


Top 13 Scariest Sesame Street Moments (MWF): Not all days were sunny ones that swept the clouds away. This year will showcase the top 13 scariest moments from the (unintentionally?) scariest television show ever: Sesame Street.



Wiki


Most Disturbing MLP Fan Works (Daily, Facebook And Google+ Only): For those of you who missed it the first time around, join me every day in October (with the exception of Sundays) as I count down the most disturbing fan works to originate from the brony community from both of my previous countdown lists.

So pull up a chair, if you dare, and get ready for a scare, if you have no fear, because Blame The Fright month is almost here. And if at any point you feel a tingle or chill running up your spine, remember, don’t blame me, blame the fright!

Daily Pony: Let The "Rainbow Road" Remind You

The best song of MLP Season 4 remixed with the best Mario Kart track music of all time? It's such a shame you can't use custom music in the game; otherwise, I would totally be jamming to this while racing along the Rainbow Road track!

SATIRE: Onion Forced Out Of Business


The Onion


The Onion Forced Out Of Business

Satirical news website unable to compete with real news.

Peter Jesting
Daily Bungle

In breaking news that seems to have been ripped out of its own pages, The Onion has announced that it will discontinue publication.

For more than 25 years, “America's Finest News Source” has been tickling the collective American funny bone and fooling everyone’s gullible aunt with humorous satirical news stories.

However, it’s nearly three decade run has experienced many major changes, with last year seeing the end of its print publication in favor of an online-only edition.

Now the infamously famous, or famously infamous, fake news organization will be making an especially drastic change now that it is discontinuing publication for good.

Editor Cole Bolton made the hard decision to shut down the long-running fake news organization, as it has been recently facing harsh competition that has been difficult to beat.

While various other satirical news websites such as the Daily Currant and National Report have sprung up in recent years, The Onion has been given a real run for its money by one major competitor: reality!

Bolton explained that it was nearly impossible for him and his writers to come up with humorous fake news headlines when real news stories has absurd headlines such as “SWAT team descends onto college campus in response to a man carrying an umbrella” or “White House cybersecurity leader proudly claims he knows nothing about cybersecurity.”

“It used to be that you had to expend a lot of brainpower thinking of stupid things for politicians to say in your fake stories; but now, politicians pretty much say stupid things on their own,” Bolton said. “Readers nowadays can get the same laughs they once got from reading our fake news by reading real news, and that’s bad news for us.”

One writer, Penn Naim, recently stepped down from her position after learning that a fake news story she had been working on turned out to be real.

Naim wanted to spoof the growing trend of internet challenges such as the cinnamon or ice bucket challenge by writing a fake human interest story about a fake trending internet challenge, the Fire Challenge, where people set themselves on fire and challenge others to do the same.

Little did she know, to her own embarrassment, that the Fire Challenge was, indeed, a real internet trend. Upon learning about it, she promptly quit her job.

“You know the old saying ‘I couldn’t make that up if I wanted to’? Well, it turns out that I could, but reality beat me to the punch,” Naim said. “When you have clueless teenagers setting themselves on fire for 15-mintues of internet fame, that’s when you know it’s time to quit your day job as a satire writer.”

When asked what the future held for his organization, Bolton suggested that The Onion could be revamped as a real news organization, which, to him, would not be such a stretch, as unsuspecting readers, from behind-the-times grandparents to even real news organizations, have mistaken the Onion as actual news.

One unsuspecting North Carolina man even spent the past 25 years reading The Onion as a real newspaper, unbeknownst to him that it was supposed to be satirical.

“When you can easily switch real news headlines for our satirical headlines, and no one can tell the difference, that’s when you know that satire is dead,” Bolton confessed. “Next thing you know, people will be watching the Daily Show as an actual news program and Idiocracy as a real-life documentary.”

###

Finally! My first “Daily Bungle” article in what seems like forever! This one reflects my personal struggle to come up with good fake news stories when most real news stories tend to be just as absurd, if not more so. When reality proves to be more absurd than satire—when you can switch real news headlines for satirical ones, and not one can tell the difference!—is that a tell-tale sign that satire is dead?

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Statist And Anarchist: The Free Market



Statists are the masters of projection. They accuse libertarians and anarchists of being “free-market fundamentalists” and assuming that the free market is the solution to everything, when they themselves believe that the government is the real answer.

They may not outright say that the government is always the solution, but if you ask them how we should address a problem, their answer will always involve more government. How do we fix poverty? Spend more on entitlement programs and fund them with more taxes? How do we fix education? Spend more on our public schools and fund them with more taxes. How do we fix the economy? Spend more on government stimulus and fund it with more taxes. How do we fix healthcare? Nationalize our healthcare system and fund it with more taxes. (And don't forget the taxes. We need more taxes. Lots and lots of taxes!)

No matter what the problem is, statists will always consider the solution to be more government programs, more government spending, and more taxes—in other words, more government!

And no, just because libertarians and anarchists suggest trying a market solution does not mean we think “the free market will fix everything!” Ask a group of libertarians what they would do to fix poverty, education, or healthcare, and each one will come up with a different answer. That is exactly what the market is. It is not a monolithic entity like the federal government. It consists of various individuals doing their own thing to improve their own lives and the lives of others through the pursuit of their own rational self-interest and through the voluntary exchange of labor and services. With the market, there is diversity. Though the government, there is only conformity.

And yet the statists claim that we consider the free market “God”? As the old saying goes: when you point a finger at someone, you point three more fingers back at you. Stop projecting your fervent worship of the omnipotent state on us, statists!

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Daily Pony: Chip Of Discord



Two of the most self-centered creatures in Equestria want a sweet treat, but only one can have it! What will happen?

Friday, September 26, 2014

Daily Pony: Gumzilla!


Gumzilla! by drawponies on deviantART

Um, how did Gummy get so...you know what, it's probably best not to ask questions when Pinkie Pie is concerned. It only raises more questions.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Attorney General Eric Holder Steps Down

Attorney General Eric Holder will soon become the former attorney general. For a rundown of his biggest "accomplishments", here's an old video by Stephen Crowder:

Feminist Bakes School Children Cookies Of--WTF?!?

A radical feminist thought it was a good idea to bake "vagina cookies" for a second-grade classroom. Yeah, it's like I said earlier this week: feminism is killing off satire!
DISCLAIMER: This is a friend's story and she isn't a redditor but I begged her to let me post it from the perspective that she told the story in. Also I apologize, I'm not a writer.

I am currently a second grade teacher at a public school. I have a wonderful class and I like to reward them when they have a good week by having volunteer parents bring in snacks (I.E. cookies, candy, granola etc.) provided the parent keeps them hypoallergenic. This week our volunteer parent, who we will refer to as Autumn Lily Speaker (not far from her actual name) told me on Wednesday that she will be preparing cookies for the class and is 'excited for this opportunity'. Thinking nothing of it, I thanked her and marked it off my weekly to-do list.

So Friday rolls around and the kids are excited. Autumn Lily Speaker comes into the classroom with a pan full of treats and brings them to me and says with a smile "I decided you can use these to teach the kids about the woman's vagina today". Baffled and completely caught off guard I slowly peel the aluminum foil off the pan to behold a plethora of sugar cookie and frosting vaginas. Not just any old vagina, but ALL KINDS OF VAGINAS. There were small, puffy, white, brown, shaved, bald, and even a fire crotch with beef curtains. perplexed I give the parent the most professional look I can muster and quietly reply "I'm sorry Autumn, but I can't give these to my students. This just isn't appropriate."

cue angry radical feminist

Autumn bursts with the fury of a thousand angry Andrea Dworkin's and starts yelling in front of the class about how 'I should be proud of my vagina' and 'I am settling for a women's role in life'. Utterly bemused and frozen from shock all I can do is stand and stare at the woman as the word 'vagina' is yelled in front of my second grade class about 987,000 times. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, she storms out of the class leaving her vagina cookies on my desk. I scramble to collect my thoughts and take control of the situation before my second graders develop vaginal PTSD. My only thought is to scrape off the vagina frosting and hand out the plain sugar cookies to my students.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Who Needs Satire When You Have Feminist SJWs?

I’m afraid that I don’t have a Daily Bungle article this week, but to make up for it, allow me to share this “satirical” article.

A promotional video for a Canadian sports stadium featuring a clip of three cheering female fans raised objections from feminists who claimed the video was sexist. Why? Because the clip of the three cheering women was filmed in slow-motion. Why does that make it sexist? Because Baywatch also had slow-motion, and that show objectified women; and because this clip also had slow-motion, that totes made it sexist by association.

Now, in a sane world, this criticism would be met with a rowdy bout of laughter. But since we don’t live in a sane world, the criticism led to the 17-second clip being pulled, with the stadium owners issuing a formal apology.

This was the offending clip in question:



That clip was clearly dripping in misogyny, wasn't it? It's not like sport stadiums don't frequently videotape clips of other crazy sports fans in slow-motion. Nope. It's only "teh wymynz!" who are subjugated to such patriarchal oppression. Clearly the women in the Middle East who are forced to wear hijabs and are regularly beaten by their husbands are far more fortunate than these three poor objectified women.

Sounds like a story ripped from The Onion, right? Almost sounds like satire I would write for the Daily Bungle? Nope. Once again, satire has failed to be more absurd than reality. This news story is totes real!

If there’s a slight sparkle of sanity, it’s that the three women who were featured in the clip had no problem being featured in it. If anything, they were more offended that the clip was taken down:
All three women featured in the video have said they are confused as to how it could have possibly been construed as offensive.

One of the women, Emily Guedes, said she wasn’t just OK with the video — she was offended that it was taken down.

“What’s misogynistic is the fact that men are in the videos . . . but not a couple of women,” she said.

“I’m am not offended by the video but adamantly offended by their removal of it.”
Once again, feminists have proven that not all women agree with their narrow-minded agenda.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Sunday Funnies (09/21/2014)

Need a good laugh? We all do. So here’s your weekly compilation of political cartoons. This week, the Scots proudly declared that the Brits can take their land, but they cannot take their freedom...because they are more than willing to vote it away and refuse their independence. Also, Obama futilely tries to beat ISIS into submission while Ray Rice beat his wife into submission in the elevator.


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Jewish World Review



Jewish World Review



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Saturday, September 20, 2014

Daily Pony: Arrrr! We Be Lootin' The Royal Treasury!

Well, it appears that the ninja vs. pirate debate has been settled. Our alicorn overlords clearly favor pirates!








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Women Vs. Wymyn


Women vs Wymyn by BlameThe1st on deviantART

TOP ROW: Julie Borowski, Amanda “Billyrock” Johnson, Karen Straughan, Christina Hoff Sommers, and Angel Clark.

BOTTOM ROW: Anita Sarkeesian, Rebecca Watson, Laci Green, Chanty "Big Red" Binx, and Amanda Marcotte.

We need more women who realize that the current socio-economic-political system hurts men as much as it does women.

We need more women who realize that being a man does not equal “powerful” any more than being a woman equals “powerless.”

We need more women who realize that the real source of oppression is not the “patriarchy,” but the corporate state.

We need more women who realize that the real power dichotomy is not between “privileged, white men” and minorities such as women, but between the corporate elite and the rest of us.

We need more women who realize that “privileged, white men” such as Ron and Rand Paul, Edward Snowden, Bradley Manning, Julian Assange, and Aaron Swartz have done far more to fight oppression and ensure equality for all than has any internet feminist social justice warrior.

We need more women who realize that true equality provides equal opportunity, but does not necessarily guarantee equal results.

We need more women who realize that men and women are both equal yet different, and thus will produce different results, even when provided an equal playing field.

We need more women who realize that both sexes cannot be made equal “by focusing solely on the issues of one of them.”

We need more women who realize that a woman’s “bodily autonomy” only extends to actions that do not harm another human being, and thus her "right to her own body" does not include killing her unborn children or forcing others to pay for her birth control.

We need more women who will not allow a trivial insult such as “bossy” hinder her from aspiring to be a great leader.

We need more women who will not allow herself to be labeled a “bitch” or a “slut” by refusing to act like a bitch or a slut to begin with.

We need more women who realize that the best way to fight against oppression and violence is by empowering women, not by trying to disempower men.

We need more women who realize that the biggest issues facing our society today are the ever-expanding military-industrial complex, the ever-encroaching surveillance state, and the ever-increasing merger of Washington with Wall Street, and who fret less about such trivial non-issues such as big-breasted, scantily-clad female video game characters.

We need more women who realize that the best way to ensure equality for all is to treat all human beings like individuals, not members of a collective.

We need more women who are willing to put the needs of the many over the needs of the few by putting the needs of others before their own self-centered interests.

In other words, we need more women and less “wymyn”!

Friday, September 19, 2014

Lurching Towards Idiocracy


Steve Deace


And people wonder why I have so little faith in democracy. Because the American people don’t know Jack about how their own government is run:
•While little more than a third of respondents (36 percent) could name all three branches of the U.S. government, just as many (35 percent) could not name a single one.

•Just over a quarter of Americans (27 percent) know it takes a two-thirds vote of the House and Senate to override a presidential veto.

•One in five Americans (21 percent) incorrectly thinks that a 5-4 Supreme Court decision is sent back to Congress for reconsideration.
That's why!

Democracy is only as good as the people, and our people are grossly uneducated and misinformed. We need more people voting? No! We need more informed people voting. The problem will always be the quality of voters, not the quantity.

Freak You, Too, Ann!


Sexy Politico


Oh, Ann Coulter! There once was a time when I actually read your books and agreed with you wholeheartedly. But a funny thing happened since then: I grew up! And as I grew up, my political viewpoints changed. But while my views shifted toward the center and I became more libertarian, your views remained on the far right and you continued to be the same neocon pundit you always have been.

I may have been occasionally able to glean enjoyment from reading your columns, but your recent comments toward libertarians have since prompted me to drop your website from my internet bookmarks:
The biggest current danger for Republicans is that idiots will vote for Libertarian candidates in do-or-die Senate elections, including Kentucky, Kansas, North Carolina and Colorado. (That's in addition to the "Independent" in Kansas who's a Democrat.) Democratic candidates don't have to put up with this crap -- they're even trying to dump the official Democrat in Kansas to give the stealth Democrat a better shot.

When we're all dying from lack of health care across the United States of Mexico, we'll be deeply impressed with your integrity, libertarians.

Which brings me to my final assignment this week: If you are considering voting for the Libertarian candidate in any Senate election, please send me your name and address so I can track you down and drown you.
Yeah, well freak you too, Ann!

Of course she’s wrong about libertarians “stealing” votes from Republicans. Down here in Florida, the exact opposite is true: the Libertarian gubernatorial candidate Adrian Wyllie is stealing votes from Democratic Charlie Christ, not from Republican Rick Scott. In fact, I’ve been able to convince my neocon Fox News junkie mother to vote for Wyllie because of this. (She doesn’t like Scott, but she dislikes Christ even more!)

And as Shane Killian of the Bogosity Podcast told me on the Bogosity Forum, Ann’s wrong about her example of the North Carolina Senate race:
She mentioned North Carolina specifically. But polls show Sean Haugh is drawing equal support from those who would otherwise vote Hagan or Tillis. The Republicans only have themselves to blame for their inevitable loss by nominating someone as mind-bogglingly unlikeable as Tillis! This election should be a cakewalk for them, as Hagan is hated by 60% of NC voters, but Tillis is hated by more than 80% of NC voters!

As Sean said, if the Republicans really want to unseat Hagan, their only option is for Tillis to drop out the race and tell everyone to vote Libertarian.
Then again, there’s no such thing as “stealing” votes. It’s just an excuse to force people to vote for the establishment parties. You either get the vote or you don’t. If a politician gets less votes than his opponent, it’s not because that opponent stole his votes. It’s because he was unable to sell his platform to potential voters. Your competition is not stealing from you if they manage to offer a better product that you.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

You Were The Chosen One, Hub Network!


LiveMeme


Since I heard the news that Hasbro was ending its partnership of The Hubwith Discovery, I’ve been contemplating what my comical reaction to the news should be.

At first, I was going to go with Darth Vader’s “NOOOO!!!!” but I realized that was too cliché.

Then I was going to go with Charles Heston’s famous ending quote from Planet of the Apes: “You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! Damn you all to hell!” which I felt was more apropos.

But then I decided to go with a quote that was much more fitting: that of Obi Wan Kenobi to Anakin Skywalker after his turn to the dark side: “You were the chosen one! You were to bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness.”

You see, there couldn’t have been a better godsend to children’s entertainment than The Hub Network. In a time when the cable industry was dominated by Disney, Nickelodeon, and Cartoon Network, and all three networks were producing mediocre children’s shows, along came The Hub Network with a fresh selection of children’s programming—or at least as fresh as you can be with pre-existing intellectual properties.

There was the phenomenal, if not surprising, success of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, of course, but there was also Pound Puppies, Littlest Pet Shop, Dan Vs., and Transformers Prime. The network even aired nostalgic classics such as Animaniacs, Tiny Toon Adventures, and Batman: The Animated Series, sharing the shows to a whole new generation of children while allowing the older generation a chance to watch the classics they grew up on.

Sure, it had its share of duds (SheZow and Teenage Fairy Tale Dropouts), but aside from those, the network was serving as much-needed competition to the other children’s cable channels, whose prior monopoly had previously stagnated the industry.

Which is why it’s so disappointing to see this network come to an end when it was otherwise brimming with potential. Now the network will be turned over to the full control of Discovery and re-branded as the Discovery Family Network. (Seriously, how more generic can a name be?) Oh sure, Hasbro will still be controlling some of its programming, but Sweet Celestia knows what that will look like.

Well, this is only one other reason why I no longer regret my family cutting our cable. So long, Hub Network: you were cut down too soon in your prime!

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Looks Like They’re Super Smashing Off Again!

The characters in Super Smash Brothers no longer bounce right off the screen. Now they stick there for a good while, their agonizing expressions plastered on the screen, along with their aching bodies, before slowly sliding off. Seeing your favorite character in such an embarassing defeat? Those eyes. Those faces. Those thuds as their bodies are slammed against the glass. That'll make for a great guilty pleasure!

Daily Pony: Fancy Mathematics


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Although, as other people have pointed out, the two aren't the exact clones of one another that fans assume them to be.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Two Major Announcements

As you can tell, I didn’t have a “Sunday Funnies” or “Daily Bugle” post this week. Don’t worry. I haven’t given up on either of them. I was kept fairly preoccupied last week with work. Rest assured, I will have posts for both of them this week.

Another thing you can probably tell is that I haven’t been posting as regularly as I often do. Again, most of this is due to work, but some of it is also due to me preparing two upcoming major projects.

First, as with last year, I will be hosting my “Blame The Fright” Month this October in celebration of Halloween. It won’t be as big as last year, as I will only have one countdown list rather than two. (But I do assure you, it will be an interesting list!) But I will be bringing back my Nightly Frights and MLP Villains showcase.

Next, I’m preparing another big project to commemorate my 5th year anniversary and upcoming 300 watchers here on deviantART. What do I have planned? You’ll have to find out when I announce it on my fifth year milestone on October 14. I assure you, what I have planned is something that hasn’t been done on this blog. Can you feel the anticipation gnawing away at you now?

Monday, September 15, 2014

Daily Pony: Raver Luna 2.0


Raver Luna 2.0 by xn-d on deviantART

Makes sense that the princess of the night would be a raver. Princess Luna always worried that her subjects were never awake to enjoy her nights. The modern invention of electric lights has since alleviated that problem. Now more ponies can honor her nights by dancing and partying through them. Among ravers and other night owls, Luna gets all the love, or rather, wubs!

Saturday, September 13, 2014

You Should Not Vote If…

"When a candidate for public office faces the voters he does not face men of sense; he faces a mob of men whose chief distinguishing mark is the fact that they are quite incapable of weighing ideas, or even of comprehending any save the most elemental — men whose whole thinking is done in terms of emotion, and whose dominant emotion is dread of what they cannot understand...As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." - H. L. Mencken

Lately, as Election Day quickly approaches, I keep running into articles such as this than emphasize how important it is to get more people to vote. While voting is indeed important, democracy only works well when the people are educated and informed, which is the exact opposite of today’s electorate, most of whom have a substandard education and receive their news and information from “infotainment.”

We don't need more people voting. We need more INFORMED people voting. If people aren't informed, they shouldn't vote. Period. Not voting may be bad, but voting when you have no idea about who or what you’re voting for is worse. Far worse! Considering that most people who don’t already vote are usually uninformed to begin with, it’s probably best to keep them away from the voting booths.

So to counter all the overtly-jingoistic polemics explaining why every “red-blooded, honest-working, God-fearing American” needs to perform their scared civic duty and vote, allow me to provide my own handy-dandy guide listing reasons why people should not vote:

•If you have no grasp of the current political issues, or have no opinion of them, you should not vote!

•If you do not know what the current political candidates stand for, you should not vote!

•If you know more about your favorite celebrity than your local or state politicians, you should not vote!

•If your only reason for voting for a politician is because of the letter next to their name (R or D), and you plan on voting for every candidate with that same letter down the line, you should not vote!

•If your only reason for voting for a politician or party is because your family and friends are voting for them, you should not vote!

•If your only reason for voting for a politician or party is because of one issue they support (i.e.: you are a one-issue voter), you should not vote!

•If you are voting for a politician because you accept what they say at face value without doing any research for yourself, you should not vote!

•If you get most of your "news" from cable news channels (CNN/MSNBC/Fox), you should not vote!

•If you lack a basic understanding of even the most basic economic principles (i.e.: supply and demand), you should not vote!

•If you cannot name one Constitutional amendment other than the First or Second, you should not vote!

•If you lack an overall basic understanding of how our government and political process works, you should not vote!

Overall, if you simply are not that well-informed about politics, then you are better off not voting. Please!

If none of these points apply to you, then feel free to go out and perform your civic duty this November. But if one of these points describes you to a tee, please, for the love of your country, do not step anywhere near a voting booth!

Friday, September 12, 2014

Daily Pony: Twily Loves Her Pretzels!

I don't know why, but today the entire r/mylittlepony thread is overrun with Twilight pretzel pics. I don't get it. Is today National Pretzel Day? Who knew Twilight loved pretzels so much? Then again, who doesn't like pretzels? I like pretzels! So of course Twilight loves pretzels because we all love pretzels!


eating a large pretzel! by ILifeloser on deviantART

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Only 20 More Days!

That’s when Super Smash Bros. launches for the 3DS in North America and Europe! The game has already been released in Japan, and the official character roster has since been leaked. No spoilers, but it seems like the original leak two weeks ago was right on the money.

Anywho, if you don’t mind spoilers, here’s a video discussing the new features from the Japanese release. Hopefully, it’ll sate our appetites for the game until it finally arrives on our shores.



Sweet Celestia, the suspense is killing me! I’m clinging onto my pre-order in anticipation. I just can’t wait any longer. October 3, why you no come any sooner?!

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Gawker: "Kick Their White Asses Out At Gunpoint!"

Pop quiz: three people are kicked out of their own apartment at gunpoint and threatened to move out of the neighborhood or die. Who are the aggressors here?

If you’re a decent human being with basic knowledge of common law, and, most importantly, with empathy, then you would side with the innocent people who were kicked out of their apartment.

However, if you’re a deranged social justice warrior who’s plagued with white guilt, then you would side with the two gun-slinging thugs because the people who they kicked out were privileged white oppressors that were destroying their neighborhood with gentrification.

You assume no decent human being could possibly think that way? Then read how Gawker covered this news story:
Women Sick of "White People" in Brooklyn Force Neighbors Out at Gunpoint

White people keep moving to Brooklyn, driving up rent prices, and guess what? Two Brooklyn women have had enough. This weekend, Precious Parker, 30, and Sabrina James, 23, allegedly forced their neighbors out of their Flatbush apartment building at gunpoint.

According to a police source who spoke to the New York Daily News, Parker and James knocked on their neighbors' door around 9:30 p.m. on Saturday and "held a 34-year-old man, a 37-year-old man, and a 25-year-old woman at gunpoint demanding they move out or be killed." The trio complied, and Parker and James squatted in their apartment until police arrived. Cops say one of the women told them she didn't like "that white people were moving into the area."
And if you think that’s bad, you should read the top comments:
• "White People" in Brooklyn Force Neighbors Out with High Property Taxes and Increased Cost of Living

• I'm sick of white people too and I'm a white person.
Social Justice Logic: If black people threaten white people at gunpoint out of their own apartment, it’s the fault of the white people for moving into a black neighborhood. They should have checked their privilege!

And no, that’s not “reverse-racism.” White people can never be victims of racism because racism is power plus privilege, you shit lord, now shut up and check your privilege!

Sigh! I really wish this were satire, but you just can't be more absurd that reality!

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

#ScienceStands Against Climate Hysteria!

Science reveals that, contrary to environmentalist predictions, the Arctic ice caps have expanded by 41 percent within the past two years. So much for melting ice caps!


Daily Mail


Currently, there’s a hashtag circulating the interwebs called #ScienceStands that’s meant to shame people who choose to think for themselves rather than allow a “majority” of white lab coat-wearers to think for them.

Let’s turn this hashtag on its head by showing that we “deniers” use science to reject the very political narrative of global warming or climate change or whatever the true believers are calling it nowadays.

Take a real stand for science. Question authority. Think for yourself. And reject political-driven agendas.

Monday, September 8, 2014

You Can’t Be More Absurd Than Reality!


Forbes


No Daily Bungle article this week. Instead, I wanted to take this time to rant about satire in general, or at least the seemingly increasing irrelevancy of it.

You see, ever since I started writing my satirical Daily Bungle articles, I’ve learned that the hardest part about writing satire isn’t coming up with ideas for it—on the contrary, I have an entire backlog of ideas for potential articles. No, the hardest part is ensuring that your ideas aren’t stolen—not by other satirists, per say (I have no worries of being plagiarized by The Onion or Daily Currant), but by reality itself!

Yes, recently, I’ve seen reality beat me to the punch of my satirical story ideas by making them actual news stories.

For example, I was considering writing a satirical article where an English teacher is sued for racial discrimination after correcting the broken English of a black student. Turns out that real life beat me to the story by a good eight months when a UCLA professor was labeled "racist" and targeted for student protest after correcting a black student’s grammar and punctuation.

I was also considering writing an article where a teacher was sued for violating church-state separation after telling a sneezing atheist student “God bless you!” Well, no teacher has been sued for making such a gesture, but a student was suspended for telling a sneezing classmate “bless you!”

Ever heard the phrase “I couldn’t make this stuff up if I wanted to"? Well, I could make this stuff up, but the problem was that reality inevitably came up with it first.

This is not to say that I’m giving up writing satire. I still have plenty of story ideas that reality hasn’t ripped off—yet! Though I have to wonder what place satire has within our society when most real news stories tend to be just as ridiculous, if not more so.

I feel it’s only appropriate that Nash and Tara opened this week’s WTFIWWY video (where they normally rip on the most borderline-satirical news stories) by discussing how Stephen Colbert was possibly forced into retirement because “reality has surpassed him!” Because when push comes to shove, “[you] can’t be more absurd than reality!”

Behold, The Horror Of What MLP:FIM Could Have Been!

Had it not been for the creative genius of Lauren Faust and Meghan McCarthy, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic could have turned out to be like Puppy In My Pocket:



Mr. Enter claims this is what happens when you don’t take children’s shows seriously? I say this is what happens when you don’t take little girl shows seriously, which is an pandemic problem with most little girl shows. Phew! Good thing MLP:FIM dodged this horrid fate with the help of talented creators who actually give a crap about what little girls watch and don't just settle for serving them anything that's pink and pretty.

Daily Pony: It's Time To Meet The Ponies!


Imgur


It's time to raise the curtain. It's time to light the lights. It's time to meet the ponies at the pony show tonight!

But in all seriousness, this is unintentional nightmare fuel right here. Sweet Celestia, how horrifying!

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Sunday Funnies (09/07/2014)

Need a good laugh? We all do. So here’s your weekly compilation of political cartoons. This week, Joan Rivers was sent to the clouds above while celebrity nude photos leaked from the iclouds below. All the while, voters remain in a cloud with politics as usual with election day fast approaching.


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