Nuggets of Wisdom

Friday, August 7, 2015

TTN2GTFO #6691: Adam Sandler Films

(The following is a cross-post from my new Tumblr blog, "Things In America That Need To GTFO". Please visit and follow it for more posts like this.)

If you were remotely shocked that Adam Sandler’s Pixels was a box office flop, then congratulations on never having watched any of his previous films!

If Pixels is best described as “advanced scrotal cancer”, it’s only because Happy Madison Productions is a nuclear waste dump so radioactive that merely approaching it within a 10-mile radius in a double-layered lead suit is enough to give anyone a fatal case of lymphoma.

With the exception of Happy Gilmore, Adam Sandler has rarely, if ever, starred in a funny movie, and the reason for that is because, quite simply, the man isn’t funny. (For the record, this is all personal opinion, but a cursory glance of his Rotten Tomatoes profile makes it a justifiable opinion!)

Sandler’s brand of comedy consists mostly of him acting like a spastic man child spouting enough profanity, sexual innuendo, and poop jokes to easily amuse audience-goers whose sense of humor hasn’t matured past middle school—and the sad fact that his movies generate enough profit to justify making more of them says a lot about most average audience-goers!

That’s not to say that his brand of comedy is impossible to pull off well. Jim Carrey built a successful career (at least in the 1990s) doing just that. However, the reason why Carrey remains a childhood icon and Sandler remains an icon for bad comedy is that, unlike Sandler, Carrey manages to exercise at least some restraint with his antics, while Sandler is as restrained as a bull in a china shop—no, scratch that trite comparison! He’s as restrained a rabid bulldog let loose in an elementary school playground!

Carrey may have acted the weirdo in his movies, but at least he had the discretion to know when to let loose on the weirdness and when to keep it restrained—though how well he can maintain that restraint nowadays seems to come into question considering that he considers measles vaccines to be a greater threat to children that, well, measles itself!

Sandler, on the other hand, pretty much puts his spastic weirdness on full autopilot as soon as the camera starts rolling in a futile attempt to illicit even the slightest giggle. Again, this level of restraint (or lack thereof) is why Ace Ventura and The Mask remain childhood classics while Jack and Jill and Eight Crazy Nights remain in the bargain bin (an even then, they’re overpriced!)

The only solace from his recent failure is that his next failed film won’t have the flashy special effects and classic video game nostalgia into fooling potential moviegoers into thinking it will be a remotely good movie.