Nuggets of Wisdom

Saturday, February 28, 2015

Sweet Celestia, How Can Anyone Still Watch Family Guy?!?

After watching Mr. Enter’s recent review of Family Guy, I had to wonder what could possibly be worse than an episode where Brian gives Stewie herpes. Then Mr. Enter revealed that a future episode will have Brian getting Stewie pregnant!



No. No. This is not Family Guy jumping the shark. They did that seasons ago. At this point, this is their tenth attempt at jumping the shark, coming back, shooting it in the balls, raping it, eating its flesh, consuming its soul, mounting its head on the wall, and then doing the same thing to twelve more sharks just to be safe.

Friday, February 27, 2015

Who’s The Former NSA Chief Kidding?


Normally, I try to stray away from using the “no true libertarian” argument, but if you’re the former NSA Chief, the former head of government agency responsible for poking holes in the Fourth Amendment in order to spy on Americans, you are as much of an “unrelenting libertarian” as Ted Nuget is an “unrelenting vegan.”

Live Long And Prosper, Mr. Leonard Nimoy


Leonard Nimoy has passed away at the age of 83. He was most famous for his role as Mr. Spock on Star Trek. I’m not a Trekkie, so I cannot properly remember him as Mr. Spock. However, I can remember him for the many other minor acting roles he had.

He may have played the voice of reason on Star Trek, but his voice also leant him to being the voice of evil, from the sinister Mr. Moundshroud from The Halloween Tree, to the schemingly-clever Master Xehanort from Kingdom Hearts. He also had many other minor roles in recent films such as Transformers and the new Star Trek films.

Here are a few of the more memorable roles that I remember him by:



In the 1993 special, the Halloween Tree, he played the role of the antagonist, Mr. Moundshroud. He did an exceptional job of making the character sound just as creepy as his apperance. Even more interesting was how the animated special itself was narrated by Ray Bradbury, the author of the book this special was based on. How eerie was it to have two of the biggest legends in science fiction, both a writer and an actor, lending their voices together to provide such a haunting performance? But this would not be the last time Mr. Nimoy would team up with a notable sci-fi figure.



In the Kingdom Hearts games, he voiced the main antagonist, Master Xehanort. It seems only fitting that an actor famous for playing a man of great knowledge would lend his voice to another greatly knowledgeable gentleman, albeit one who uses his knowledge for evil rather than the greater good. There’s just something about his voice that makes him ideal for such a conniving villain. Even more ideal was how he was paired opposite to the character of Master Eruaqs, who was voiced by Mark Hamill, the actor who played Luke Skywalker in Star Wars. This is probably the only time we would have characters from the two rivaling Star series facing off against each other!



In the cult-Disney classic, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, he played the role of the Atlantean King, Kashekim Nedakh, father of the female protagonist (and forgotten kick-ass Disney princess) Kida. Again, it seems only fitting that a sci-fi actor known for playing a character of great wisdom would star in a sci-fi movie as the role of a wise elder—though I doubt you could call the king of Atlantis “wise”, considering he was the reason why his Empire became lost underneath the sea in the first place.



Finally, one obscure role I want to mention was how he was the narrator for In Search Of, a PBS paranormal investigation series that covered many famous legends and conspiracy theories such as Bigfoot and the Bermuda Triangle. I remember watching re-runs of this show on the History Channel, and I don’t think the series would've been as creepy as it was (and, in turn, as appealing) were it not for the narration provided by Mr. Spock himself. There’s just something—unsettling—about how he delivered the show’s narration.

Obviously, Mr. Nimoy has performed many more roles than that, but those are the ones that I remember personally. Whether you remember the man as Mr. Spock, or from his many other acting roles, there is no denying that Mr. Nimoy was an irreplaceable actor, and his performances will be missed. Of all the performances out there in Hollywood, his were the most…human.

So long, Mr. Spock. May your memory live long and prosper.

Also, obligatory reference is obligatory:

Sylveon Trolls Everyone



Aw, Sylveon is so adorable when she trolls other Pok√©mon. Her ribbons are so pretty—especially around the necks of dragons!

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Still Think It Cannot Happen Here?

What if I told you there was a country that had a city which operated a “black site”, a secret police facility where suspects were sent to “disappear”?

A place where suspects are detained without access to lawyers or family and where they are interrogated off the books?

Where detainees are routinely shackled to benches and chairs for hours on end and interrogated without access to legal counsel?

Where arrests are not recorded, police beatings cause head wounds, shacklings for long periods were common, and people as young as 15 were held for up to 24 hours without legal aid?

Think I just described a secret prison in North Korea? Think again.

The place that I just described to you is called Homan Square, and it’s not in another country. It’s right here. In this country. In the hometown of Obama himself: Chicago.

The Chicago police department operates an off-the-books interrogation compound, rendering Americans unable to be found by family or attorneys while locked inside what lawyers say is the domestic equivalent of a CIA black site.

The facility, a nondescript warehouse on Chicago’s west side known as Homan Square, has long been the scene of secretive work by special police units. Interviews with local attorneys and one protester who spent the better part of a day shackled in Homan Square describe operations that deny access to basic constitutional rights.

Alleged police practices at Homan Square, according to those familiar with the facility who spoke out to the Guardian after its investigation into Chicago police abuse, include:

• Keeping arrestees out of official booking databases.

• Beating by police, resulting in head wounds.

• Shackling for prolonged periods.

• Denying attorneys access to the “secure” facility.

• Holding people without legal counsel for between 12 and 24 hours, including people as young as 15.

At least one man was found unresponsive in a Homan Square “interview room” and later pronounced dead.
By the royal moist delectable plot of Princess Luna being straddled by her strap-on wearing elder sister Princess Celestia, that is some scary SQUEE!

That is the type of shady stuff we’re supposed to expect from totalitarian dictatorships like North Korea, not the “Land of the Free, and Home of the Brave”!

And statists still wonder why libertarians such as myself think that the government is evil? Crap like this certainly isn’t helping its image!

First Power Rangers, Now DBZ Gets Its Own Fan Film!


Hey, guys! Have you heard about the dark and gritty Power Rangers fan film? Well, I hope you had a good look at it, because it was taken down due to the usual copyright BS!

It also looks like Dragonball Z received its own gritty fan re-imagining. Only a matter of time until Hollywood has that one taken down as well. (Heck, it could very well be down right now by the time you’ve read this!)



Whether you’re a DBZ fan or not, one thing is certain: this fan film is infinitely better than that crappy official Hollywood movie released back in 2009! Perhaps that why Hollywood is trying to take these fan films down: because they’re way better than the official garbage being peddled!

DT Reboot Coming In 2017

If you're one of those people who, literally, for the past 25 years after the television series' release, have just now gotten the theme song out of your head, and you don't want to risk putting it back into your head by possibly saying the title once more, prepare to be triggered, because...DuckTales is coming back! A-whoo-oo!


Since the video game was re-mastered two years ago, it only seemed inevitable that the animated series would likewise be re-booted by the House of Mouse. No word yet as to whether the series will be traditionally animated like the original series or computer animated, but the reboot is expected to air on Disney XD in 2017, just in time for the series’ 30th anniversary.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

This Week In Review #09


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by testing our readers to see how well they can differentiate fake news from real news. This week, two of these articles are real, and the other three are fake. Can you tell which is real and which isn't?

Click Here to read the articles.

SATIRE: Weed On Pentagon Grounds Proves Un-Killable


Weed On Pentagon Grounds Proves Un-Killable

One pesky weed has proven to be the biggest challenge currently facing the Pentagon outside of Al-Qaeda.

Kim Bei Fong
World Mud

The following article is a guest post from "The World Mud" and has been edited for style and grammar. The original article can be viewed here. For more articles, visit their deviantART page.

Military officials are speaking out today about an unsightly weed near the Pentagon that "just won’t die.”

The weed first became noticeable last July and had since stopped growing in November, yet for reasons unknown, it cannot be killed or even moved, one high-ranking military official stated.

The plant species of this weed has yet to be identified, but Pentagon officials have described it as a mix between kudzu and “that monster alien plant in B-movies that end up taking over the world.”

Pentagon custodial staff claimed they have tried all methods, both conventional and unconventional, to remove the weed, but all their attempts have proven futile.

Click Here to read the rest of the article.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

MLP:FIM: The Dark Stallion - Episode 09


My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic presents

The Dark Stallion

Episode 09: The Gala Crashed! Princesses In Peril!

**********

Last time on My Little Pony:

After retrieving the Amulet of Purity, Twilight and her friends were invited to attend the Grand Galloping Gala. Their Gala experience this year proved to be more pleasurable than their first visit. Rainbow Dash and Sky Wind were able to hang out with her idols, the Wonderbolts, Fluttershy was able to make amends with the royal garden animals along with the help of Ninja Star, and Twilight was able to spend some quality time with her mentor, Princess Celestia, but not without enjoying the Gala with Xander. When he was able to request an audience with the princesses, Xander was informed, much to his dismay, that there was not much to the Amulet. He would have left, but not without Twilight convincing him to stay and to open up to others. Unfortunately, their touching moment was interrupted by the invasion of the Shadow Clan? What sinister motives do they have in store for our heroes?

**********

Dark clouds sizzling with thunder and lightning circled above the palace, concealing the otherwise moon-and-star-lit night sky.

As confused and terrified Gala guests gazed aghast at the sky outside, from within the palace ballroom, guests stood silent and trembling in the presence of the Shadow Mare, who gazed down upon them with her glowing red eyes.

“Citizens of Equestria,” she addressed them, “I have come to inform you that the reign of your two princesses shall soon wane, and in their place, the rightful sovereign shall ascend his throne. Equestria as you know it will come to an end, and with it shall begin the reign of the Dark Stallion.”

As the Shadow Mare disappeared, cackling, other puffs of purple smoke appeared throughout the ballroom, bringing about a legion of shadow ponies. Their appearance provoked panic among the Gala guests, who began screaming and rushing about in an attempt to escape.


Monday, February 23, 2015

Illegal Immigrants Better Vaccinated Than Americans


To any neocons out there trying to blame the measles outbreak on illegal immigration, well, you’re wrong. As The Guardian reports, most South and Central American countries such as “Mexico, Guatemala, Honduras and El Salvador have higher rates of measles coverage than the US, according to estimates by the World Health Organization (WHO).”

Rather sad that poor people from more uneducated and illiterate countries are smarter than affluent white people here in the States when it comes to vaccinating their children. How the hell did the country that sent men to the moon become less informed about vaccination than dirt poor vagabonds from the slums of Mexico? Again, that’s just sad.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

32 Arrested For Food Stamp Fraud


More than three dozen people were arrested in a single New York town on charges of food stamp fraud, having used their Electronic Benefit Transfer (EBT) cards to buy booze, obtain cash, and purchase other items not covered by food stamps for the past year.

Not only did this fraud happen at the same town and the same store, but this is the second time that the store owner has been arrested for orchestrating such welfare fraud.

Perhaps this incident will serve as a wake-up call for leftists, forcing them to question their stance on the welfare state and how entitlements are administered in this country.

Or maybe they will use this opportunity to gloat about how none of the people arrested were black "welfare queens", claiming this debunks the conservative "myth" that only black people use food stamps--even though "conservatives", or anyone else concerned about welfare fraud, have never, ever claimed that!

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Seems Like Theres Some Hope Left For Humanity

With the recent measles outbreak, it can be extremely disheartening to realize that a few people still question the safety of vaccines, but a recent study offers some hope by showing that it’s only a few people.

Pew reveals that more than 80 percent of Americans believe (rightfully so!) that vaccines for measles, mumps, and rubella (MMR) are safe for healthy children, with only less than ten percent believing the nonsense peddled by Jenny McCarthy and other anti-vaxxer quacks. (Also fortunately, this level of sanity spreads across party lines, with a near equal number of Democrats and Republicans recognizing the safety of vaccines.)

Of course, I really have to wonder if humanity has fallen to the point where expecting them to unanimously accept a proven scientific fact is considered a good thing. That’s sort of like rewarding someone with a gold star for not crapping their pants. It’s something we should expect from everybody! *sigh*

Monday, February 16, 2015

This Week In Review #08


We here at the Daily Bungle wish to provide a public service by administering a weekly test for our readers to see how well they can differentiate real news from fake news. One of the following news stories is real. The rest of them are fake. Can you tell the satire from the real deal?

Click here to see the news articles in question.

SATIRE: Marvel Turns Hulk Into Potato


Marvel Turns Incredible Hulk Into Potato, Re-Imagines Other Avengers

Thor's a woman. Captain America's black. Other Avengers will now be pointlessly changed.

Lyan Williams
Daily Bungle

The remaining Avengers cast is expected to receive the same pointless re-imaginings as have been received by Captain America and Thor, Marvel Comics announced in a press release last week.

Two Avengers characters had previously received makeovers, with Thor being turned into a woman, and Captain America turned into an African-American. Now the rest of the Avengers will follow suit and receive their own makeovers.

These proposed changes include turning Spider-man into an actual spider, turning Iron Man into a trashcan, turning Hawkeye into a unicorn, and turning the Incredible Hulk into a potato.

“That may sound ridiculous, but if we can get away with marketing a movie starring a talking gun-happy raccoon, then we can get away with turning the Hulk into a vegetable,” Marvel Comics Public Relations Manager Kor Presuit said in a phone interview. “Besides, green potatoes can be quite menacing if you eat them.”

Click here to read the rest of the article

Daily Pony: Love Is A Yummy S'more

Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich performing a sweet yet silly parody of Frozen's "Love Is An Open Door"? Best. Belated. Valentine's Day video. EVER!



Also, are we to assume that Maud Pie is Elsa? Now all we need is her singing a monotone parody of "Let It Go!" while using earth bending powers. (Wait! Does this also mean Boulder is Olaf?)

Saturday, February 14, 2015

If You Thought The Female Thor Comic Was Bad…

…then check out these scans from Sensation Comics #7 featuring everyone’s favorite feminist superheroine:





Who else but Wonder Woman will protect us from these strawman nice guys?

I mean, Sweet Celestia, the only thing missing from that dude is a fedora, neckbeard, and a hundred extra pounds! And then Wonder Woman decks him and yells "Check your privilege!"

Who the freak is writing these comics? Anita Sarkeesian?!

Next Dark Stallion Chapter Teaser

Guys, I sincerely apologize that I’m WAY late posting the latest chapter of my Dark Stallion fanfic. I had meant to have it posted before I left on my week-long vacation, but sadly, work and personal commitments kept me pre-occupied. And even after a week upon my return, the newest chapter is still in limbo.

I do promise that the next chapter is near completion and will be uploaded as soon as it is finished. In the meantime, to sate you appetite for the next chapter (and as a Valentine’s Day gift to show how much I love you all), here is a preview of things to come:

Super Smash Sisters


Super Smash Sisters by TheBourgyman on DeviantArt

Today’s Valentine’s Day, the time when we reflect on the things that we love. If there’s one thing that I really love, it’s video games, specifically Nintendo. I was born and raised on the company, and I will continue to support it until it inevitably goes bankrupt, which I hope is never!

I love Nintendo. I love Super Smash Bros. And I especially love that the latest addition to the franchise has much more playable female characters—to the point where they ought to call it Super Smash Brothers and Sisters!

Sure, it was fun being able to play as Peach, Zelda, and Samus, but the games were still lacking much needed female representation and diversity. Thankfully, the latest additions for the 3DS and WiiU provided just that, as now you can play as a fitness trainer, a space princess and her star companion, a female swordfighter (even if she is just Marth with boobs), a magical swordswoman, and even a freaking goddess! (Goddess trumps princess anyday!)

Even then, I’m sure that we can all agree that the games could include even more female characters in its roster. Personally, I’m still bummed that Krystal didn’t make the cut. She would have added much more variety to the Star Fox representation than either Falco or especially Wolf (whom I’m glad is gone!).

But what do you all think? Who’s your favorite Super Smash Sister? Cast you votes at the polls!

Also, what other female video game character would you like to see in future Super Smash Bros.? Leave your suggestions in the comments below!

Daily Pony: Some Very Special FlutterMac Fan Art

To celebrate Valentine’s Day (or rather, Hearts and Hooves Day), I’d like to feature the gallery of Sinaherib. He’s an anthro artist who has a real affinity for foxes, and he’s also drawn plenty of My Little Pony artwork, mostly anthro and humanized. His artwork may not be top-of-the-line in the technology department, but he proves you can create a real masterpiece using only good old-fashioned colored pencils.

He’s a big fan of the Fluttershy/Big Mac shipping, as well as other pony shippings that I like such as Rainbow Dash/Soarin and Twilight Sparkle/Flash Sentry. As such, for this holiday of romance, I wanted to share some of his FlutterMac drawings.

…or at least I would if it wasn’t for the fact that the lion’s share of his gallery can only be viewed with mature filters off. Yes, most of his gallery is NSFW. Nothing too "pornographic". Just a bunch of characters wandering around in their birthday suits.

But as such, I can only share a handful of his FlutterMac drawings. So here are a “few safe-for-work” examples:


Ponyville Nights by Sinaherib on DeviantArt


Above the Clouds by Sinaherib on DeviantArt


Mellow Autumn by Sinaherib on DeviantArt

Though if you’re curious about what my favorite NSFW pieces are, click here, here, here, and here.

I especially love the last one, because it almost looks like the two playing the role of Adam and Eve meeting for the first time in the Garden of Eden. You can’t get any more romantic than that!

Top 10 Anti-Valentine's Day Songs

It’s February 14. For those with significant others, it’s Valentine’s Day. For the rest of us, it’s Single Awareness Day. So to satiate the angst you may be feeling today being all on your lonesome, here are ten anti-Valentine's Day songs:



Personally, I would have added Payphone by Maroon 5, because, well, “all those fairy tales are full of it” and “one more stupid love song, I’ll be sick"!

(Note: I don’t really hate Valentine’s Day, but I can understand why it may be the least favorite holiday for anyone else.)

Friday, February 13, 2015

Daily Pony: Love Costs

Big Mac gets all the mares, so of course he gets all the Valentines—and the postage costs!


Love Costs by mysticalpha on DeviantArt

So THIS Is How They Write A Female Thor?!?


I’m not a comic book fan, let alone a Marvel fan, so I didn’t really have an opinion about Thor being changed female. If Marvel wanted to give one of the Avengers a sex-change operation, so be it. Thor has been turned into a frog and a horse-like creature, so why not a human woman? (And it’s not like fans haven’t Rule 63 and 34’d him or any other comic book character!)

But then I came across these scans of the female Thor comic book, and, well, it seems like the creators decided to tackle criticism of the new character in the most “mature” manner possible:


Gee, good going, Marvel! Way to sway anyone who may have been skeptical of the female Thor by portraying all critics of her as a literal troll!

If this is how feminists write comic books, then it’s no wonder why there’s such an anti-feminist backlash in geekdom.

Well, This Was Inevitable!


Considering the long-standing rivalry between the “NEEEERRRD!” and “Critic!”, it was only a matter of time until the Nostalgia Critic reviewed the AVGN Movie. It’s as awesome as you’d expect it to be.

EXCLUSIVE LEAKED LIVE-ACTION ZELDA FOOTAGE!


Remember that live-action Legend of Zelda series that was announced for Netflix? Turns out that the series is actually being shot right now! In fact, exclusive behind the scenes footage has been leaked to the internet.

So what does the series actually look like in real life? Well, do you have the idealized actors for Link and Zelda in your head? You’ll have to get them out, because they’re obviously not it. In fact, I seriously question the acting skills of this Link and Zelda. They look as if they were picked right out of community theater. Or a bad video game. Also, the director seems to be a bit of a quack:



If you can’t tell by now, this is obviously a joke.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Not That Inside Edition Was A Good News Source To Begin With...


So what could be worse than killing three people over a parking space? How about using the news story as a segue for a segment on finding a parking space? Because that's what Inside Edition did!

Okay, well, maybe that’s not literally as worse as murder, but it is extremely cringeworthy. I mean, seriously, what the actual freak?! Forget not wanting to live on this planet anymore. Get me out of this freaking dimension!

If you actually want to watch the segue and segment, click here. It’s a cheaper form of masochism than watching the 50 Shades movie.

But seriously, could anyone think of a more inappropriate news segue?

Throwback Thursday: I Feel Like Chicken Tonight


Do you feel like chicken tonight? Then flap your arms and jump up and down like a chicken! That’s how people in the 90s used to let others know what they wanted for dinner—at least in the commercials:



Say what you want about this commercial, but the dance is far more fitting and catchy than McDonald’s “Do The Arches!”

At first, I thought this product had since been discontinued, but nope: it’s still being sold in stores. I guess I never noticed it on store shelves, or I must pass by that particular grocery store aisle.

Apparently, the brand is still rather big in Australia, as the folks down under remembered the old jingle and dance so well that they featured it in a new commercial last year:



Of course, if you want a song and dance number that will get you in the mood for a chicken dinner, there’s always this little ditty:

Daily Pony: Princess of Shipping

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. One can only assume that it's the busiest day for the Princess of Love herself, Princess Cadence. She obviously serves as the Cupid of Equestria, and with her power of love, she can make any shipping into a reality.


Princess of shipping by Madacon on DeviantArt

B-But #NotAllAtheists!

The revelation that the Chapel Hill shooter was a progressive atheist—rather than yet another “angry right-wing Christian extremist” scapegoat—has left many a neck-bearded atheist in shock, unable to comprehend it with their tiny fedora-wearing pea brains, and leaving them to madly splutter through Cheeto and Mountain Dew-laced breath “not all atheists!” in a scream that echoes within the lonely confines of their mother’s basement.

While these atheist alpha males would have no issue blaming such an incident on the religion of a Christian or a Muslim if they committed a similar atrocity, their puny prepubescent minds—which they reserve to simple motor functions such as jerking off to Neil DeGrasse Tyson tweets and into torn out pages of Dawkin’s God Delusion—cannot conceive that one of their own would commit such an act in the name of atheism, which they consider as much a religion as others would consider not collecting stamps as a hobby.

The impotent rage of these Reddit-dwelling pseudo-intellectuals has lead them to create such cringeworthy memes as this:


New Rule: if you Dunning-Kruger effect-suffering neckbeards are willing to use this non-logic to claim that the shooter’s atheism had nothing to do with the shooting, then you should use that same logic to conclude that any other religious person who commits a similar atrocity was not inspired by their religion. The logic that is good for the goose is also good for the fedora-wearing gander.

The Chapel Hill Shooter Killed Over What?

I’m sure most of you are aware by now of the recent Chapel Hill shooting which took the lives of three Muslim students.

Most people had assumed that this was a hate crime instigated by “Islamaphobia”—this time, committed by a progressive atheist rather than the run-of-the-mill backwater angry white guy fueled by Fox News and Rush Limbaugh-induced rage.

Turns out his motivations were far worse. Apparently, he killed those three students over a parking space!

Great! Now whenever I hear someone say they’d kill for a parking space, I have to fear whether or not they mean than literally!

I can accept this being yet another hate crime, even one committed by a media-declared “right-wing extremist”, but a neighborhood dispute over a freaking parking space? I mean, sweet Celestia freaking Luna…

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Live-Action Legend of Zelda?


Netflix is developing a live-action Legend of Zelda television series. No other details have been released about the series, other than it’s been described as Game of Thrones.

As a Nintendo and Zelda fan, I’m rather skeptical about this. Video game adaptations, especially live-action adaptations, have a bad reputation of being, well, bad.

Who knows? Perhaps under the right director, we could end up with a high-quality product worthy of the Zelda canon such as this:



But considering previous live-action video game adaptations, we very much may be stuck with something like this (the cartoon, not Peanut Butter Gamer, of course!):

The 2nd Amendment: For Muskets Only?!

If the 2nd Amendment is "only for muskets", then the 1st Amendment is only for printing presses and feather quills!

Obama Justifies His Peace Prize—Again!

President Obama has officially asked Congress to declare war on ISIS.

I’m not sure what’s more ironic here: that this proclamation of war is being made by a President who was handed a Nobel Peace Prize on a silver platter upon entering the White House, or that this same President made this proclamation less than a week after pontificating about creating “a culture where violence isn't tolerated”—which is especially rich considering that he has killed more people with drone strikes than any other President before him.

Daily Pony: In The Garage Of Twilight Sparkle

Somehow, I feel Rainbow Dash would have a greater affinity for Tron: Legacy-style motorcycles, but any excuse to put Twilight Sparkle in tight leather is good enough for me! :D


In the garage of Twilight Sparkle by ToxicPon on DeviantArt