Nuggets of Wisdom

Friday, January 15, 2016

Top 11 Favorite Disney World Attractions (#5)

#5: Pirates of the Caribbean

Sing it with me now: Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!

Pirates of the Caribbean is one of the most iconic Disney attractions next to the Haunted Mansion and the happy-little-kids-from-around-the-world-ride-that-must-not-be-named-for-the-sake-of-everyone’s-sanity!

This ride has so permeated our pop culture that nearly everyone knows it inside-and-out, even if they’ve never ridden it. After all, the premise is simple enough: you take a boat ride through a small port town and witness as a gang of ruthless pirates have a good ol' time burning it to the ground.

The best word to describe this ride is “fun.” Not matter who you are, no matter how old you are, you’re not going to ride this ride without receiving some level of enjoyment from it. It's hard not to crack a smile while watching a mob of scurvy seadogs pillage and plunder and rifle and loot. They're having a good time. You're having a good time. It’s simply an overall jolly-good time, which is especially accentuated by the ride's catchy tune.

This is one of those rides where you notice new details every time you ride it. You can tell that the creators had a fun time putting it all together right down to the smallest details, and once you take the time to notice those small details, you'll get quite the good laugh out of them.

Especially humorous is the level of adult humor within the ride. And when I say “adult humor”, I don’t simply mean subtle jokes that will go over children’s heads (though there are plenty of those innuendos in there). I mean that one of the most iconic scenes of the ride involves a bunch of women being taken hostage and sold off at a “bridal auction."

And I’m pretty sure the lusty pirates purchasing these women want them do more than simply cook and clean, if you catch my drift!

One scene was even changed because it was deemed too risqué by Disney. There was one point in the town where a woman is hiding inside a barrel, presumably naked, with a drunken pirate lounging outside of it and clasping onto her stolen petticoat.

So let’s be clear: an implied naked woman is considered too risqué for a children’s ride, but not a sex slave auction. Nice to know Disney has their priorities straight. They only care about the children, because, oh, won’t someone please think of the children!

Now I have to address the elephant in the room--or rather, the Johnny Depp!

With the popularity of the movies based on the ride (which were, quite frankly, the only good movies based on Disney attractions), Disney decided to apply elements from the movies into the ride. The changes themselves weren’t that big. They just added audio-animatronic figures of Jack Sparrow throughout the ride, and re-wrote the script so that the pirates are all looking for him. But yes, this is a ride being changed to better match a movie that was based of the ride itself. It’s essentially in-company inbreeding!

These changes, regardless of how minor they were, upset many ride purists. Personally, I don’t have a problem with them. In fact, I think they were rather necessary. Despite what you think of the movies (and personally, I only prefer the first one), there’s no denying that there’s an entire generation of children who are being introduced to Pirates of the Caribbean through the movies first rather than the ride. So it only makes sense to have the rides better reflect the movies. After all, it’s still the same ride, only now with more Johnny Depp.

Just look at the guy! He looks so content being surrounded by all of that treasure. Well, he may have treasure, but I have something that he doesn’t. I have a jar of—*checks pocket* wait, where did that Jar of Dirt go?

Curse you, Jack Sparrow! Just for that, I’m going to get rid of all your rum. Now the rum is gone!

Obligatory references to Pirates meme, check!